Why Learning to Lose Is Crucial for Your Child's Emotional Growth

Why losing feels bigger than it is—for your child

There’s a moment every parent has faced, or will—with clenched teeth and a quietly breaking heart. Your child loses a board game, doesn’t get picked first, misses a math problem they knew. And then it begins: the tears, the sulking, the loud frustration—or the silent kind, which somehow bruises just as much.

If your child is between the ages of 6 and 12, they’re at a crucial stage in building emotional resilience. Losing doesn't just test their skills; it tests their self-image, their ability to bounce back, and their relationship with effort and failure. So even simple, everyday moments—like not being the fastest runner at recess—can feel like a blow to them.

These struggles often leave you, the parent, walking on eggshells: do you let them win sometimes? Do you toughen them up? Praise their effort, or talk about fairness?

Why learning to lose is as important as learning to read

We tend to praise success more than struggle, especially in academic settings. But studies continue to show that children who develop a healthy relationship with failure are far more likely to succeed in the long run. Why? Because they learn to regulate frustration, reframe challenges as learning opportunities, and try again instead of giving up.

That doesn't just apply to sports or games—it transfers directly to schoolwork, friendships, and their ability to push through tough learning days.

If your child tends to shut down after making a mistake on homework, or resists trying something they aren’t immediately good at, helping them embrace losing may be the key to unlocking their growth mindset.

Learning to lose helps manage school stress

The pressure to perform well in school can feel overwhelming for many kids. Tests, group projects, reciting aloud—it’s a constant loop of evaluation. When children view mistakes as personal failures, every misstep feels like a threat to their worth.

But when they’ve experienced healthy losses (like losing a card game or not winning that art contest), and had a chance to process those emotions safely, they become better equipped to handle academic disappointment, too. They begin developing the inner script: “Okay, I didn’t ace this—but I can learn from it and improve.”

In short, every small opportunity to lose with dignity becomes emotional training for the bigger setbacks ahead.

What losing well might look like for a child

Not every child handles defeat the same way, and progress can be slow. But over time, you might notice small shifts:

• They stop blaming others or the rules after a loss.
• They bounce back more quickly into another game or activity.
• They start recognizing someone else’s success without jealousy.
• They say things like “I’ll try again” or “I almost got it!” rather than “I’m just bad at this.”

That said, setbacks will still happen. Your child may still sulk sometimes after losing. But the goal is not to eliminate difficult emotions—it’s to help them understand and move through them.

What you can do at home—without forcing it

You don’t need to orchestrate elaborate lessons about losing. Everyday life offers plenty of natural chances. What matters is how you engage with those moments.

If your child has just lost at a game and storms off, resist the urge to immediately lecture. Instead, give them space, and gently revisit the experience later when they’re calm. Talk about how it felt, and how they might handle it next time.

You can also model this behavior yourself. Mess up a recipe? Lose your temper? Get stuck in traffic? Share your frustration, then show how you move past it. Children absorb far more from what we show than what we say.

And for the moments when emotions run too high, activities that offer an emotional outlet can really help. Stories—especially when told with warmth and humor—can offer children a safe way to explore failure and resilience. That’s where having kid-friendly resources can make a difference. For example, the iOS and Android versions of the LISN Kids app offer a wide range of original audiobooks and audio series designed for kids aged 3–12. They tackle themes like friendship, trying again, and emotional regulation in ways children find engaging and relatable.

And when the loss isn’t just a game…

Sometimes, the ‘loss’ isn’t simply lost points or turns. It may be losing a friendship, not making the soccer team, or feeling left out. These moments are especially painful—and they multiply in the elementary years.

This is when emotions like jealousy arise, and it's important to avoid minimizing them. Instead, actively help your child name and unpack those feelings. Validating their emotional response doesn’t mean encouraging wallowing—it means you’re helping them process their inner world, which is key to long-term emotional intelligence.

The payoff you don’t always get to see today

It might not feel like it, but every time your child struggles with a loss, you’re watching their inner scaffolding being built. That inner voice that carries them through setbacks as teens, and even as adults, forms now. And while you can’t “make” your child accept losing with grace, you can accompany them with patience, empathy, and a clear message: you are loved, win or lose.

Want more ideas for helping your child regulate their emotions after frustrating moments? You might enjoy this article on smart activities for dealing with frustration or this guide on restoring the mood after a difficult game.