How to Handle Jealousy Between Kids After a Loss

Understanding the Roots of Jealousy After a Defeat

You’re watching a group of kids play a board game. One child wins, grinning ear-to-ear, and another scowls, arms crossed, avoiding eye contact. You've been there—maybe it’s your child who just lost and now seems angry at a friend or sibling. You feel torn: you want to comfort them, teach them, protect their relationships, and remind them it’s just a game. But jealousy isn’t always rational. And when a child feels that sting, it can easily spill into resentment or sibling rivalry.

Jealousy between children—especially following a loss—can be more than momentary frustration. It might be a reflection of something deeper: insecurity, a competitive streak, or a need for validation. And while it's completely normal, how we guide children through those tough emotions can make a world of difference in how they grow emotionally and socially.

Why One Child's Success Can Feel Like Another's Failure

Children aged 6 to 12 are still developing a strong sense of self. At this age, comparison is natural—and losing can feel personal. When one sibling or classmate earns praise, wins a soccer match, or gets a better grade, another child might feel left behind, even if no one intended it that way. That internal voice says, "Why not me?" or worse, "They’re better than me." That’s where jealousy often begins—when children equate a peer’s success with their own shortcomings.

Instead of pushing these feelings under the rug with a quick, “Don’t be jealous,” it’s helpful to guide your child toward self-awareness. Try acknowledging what they’re feeling, even if they don’t have the words yet. You might say, “It seems like you feel frustrated that your sister won. Is that what's going on?” Recognizing the emotion without judgment is key—it teaches them that feelings are valid, even complicated ones like jealousy.

Helping Your Child Name and Normalize the Feeling

It’s tempting to jump into problem-solving mode—especially if jealousy is turning into bickering or withdrawal. But before helping your child move forward, they need space to feel seen. Let them know jealousy isn’t “bad.” It’s just a feeling, like happiness or sadness. What matters more is what we do with it.

A practical approach might be sharing stories (books or audiobooks work beautifully here) where characters feel jealous but grow through the experience. For instance, the use of audiobooks to help your child understand and cope with defeat can be a gentle way to create distance and perspective. The iOS or Android-based LISN Kids App can support this—a library of age-appropriate stories where children experience growth, loss, cooperation, and resilience. It’s not about avoiding tough feelings—it's about letting kids experience them in a supported way.

Encouraging Emotional Safety Among Siblings and Peers

When jealousy strikes among siblings or close friends, repairing the connection becomes as important as managing the emotion itself. A child who feels left out or defeated may lash out—not just at the person who “won,” but at the relationship itself. In these moments, you have an opportunity to model what reconnection looks like.

Instead of mandatory apologies or forced praise (“Tell your sister good job”), consider curiosity. What would help them feel better about what happened? Could they share something they liked about how the game or activity was played? Or maybe choose something next time where collaborative success is the goal, rather than competition.

This ties into a broader skill many children struggle with—losing graciously. If jealousy keeps showing up after losses, it might be time to explore how to support a child who struggles with losing gracefully. Small steps like focusing on effort over outcome can shift the conversation from “Did I win?” to “Did I do my best?”—a crucial mindset for long-term resilience.

What to Do When Jealousy Lingers After Losing

Some children stew over a loss for days. The frustration doesn’t fade. They stop playing with the child who won or bring up the unfairness long after the moment passed. When this happens, your child might need help processing what’s underneath—whether it’s disappointment, fear of looking “less than,” or even a fixed idea of what winning means.

You can revisit the experience calmly once the emotion has settled. Ask questions like:

• “What felt hardest about losing that game?”
• “Do you think the other person meant to hurt your feelings?”
• “What do you wish had gone differently?”

These aren’t meant to solve the problem immediately, but to help uncover the story your child is telling themselves. Once they open up, there's room for reflection. You can share how all people—even adults—struggle with jealousy sometimes. Then model how to turn comparison into curiosity: “What do you think your brother did really well this time? What could you try next time if you wanted to grow?”

And if your child simply refuses to engage again—maybe they don’t want to play the game anymore—it’s worth exploring what to do when your child refuses to play again after losing. Sometimes, space is part of healing, and that’s okay too.

Instead of Fixing, Focus on Growth

Our job isn’t to eliminate jealousy—but to help our children navigate it constructively. Whether it's offering stories that reflect their struggles, being a calm presence when tempers rise, or redirecting focus from outcome to process, every moment of discomfort can be a chance for growth.

You might even consider introducing the idea that losing is learning. Because in the long run, the lessons your child gets from navigating defeat and jealousy will stay with them longer than any small win ever could.