How to Help Your Child Cope with School Anxiety
Understanding Where School Fear Comes From
Imagine your eight-year-old waking up with a stomachache every weekday morning, tearfully clinging to you at drop-off, or dreading Monday before the weekend is even over. If you've witnessed these moments, you're not alone. Many children between the ages of 6 and 12 experience fear or anxiety about school—whether it's related to social dynamics, academic pressure, teacher relationships, or simply the overwhelming structure of the school day.
Before offering solutions, take a step back and ask: what’s behind this fear? School-related anxiety can express itself in different ways, from irritability and sleep disturbances to physical symptoms or withdrawal. Children often don’t have the language or emotional tools to explain it clearly. Understanding what’s behind your child’s big emotions is the first step toward helping them feel safe.
Start with Connection, Not Correction
As a parent, it's tempting to jump into "problem-solving mode." You may want to reassure quickly: "There's nothing to be afraid of," or push: "You have to go to school." Those responses are natural but may unintentionally dismiss your child’s emotions. If you want your child to feel supported, begin by making space for their feelings—even when they're hard to understand.
Try responses like, "I can see this is really hard for you," or "Do you want to tell me more about what makes school scary right now?" These kinds of statements open a door, letting your child know their concerns are valid. You can learn more about common mistakes to avoid when talking about emotions here, which might help guide these critical conversations.
Building Predictability and Calm at Home
Fear thrives on unpredictability. Creating rituals and routines around the school day can help reduce the emotional weight of transitions. Start with small, consistent anchors: a calm morning playlist, special breakfast on Mondays, or a loving handshake before walking to school. These may seem small, but they tell your child, “You’re not doing this alone.”
Equally important are the after-school and bedtime routines. These times allow kids to process their day and reset emotionally. Strategies like evening storytelling, journaling, or transitional activities help release accumulated tension. If nighttime is when your child’s fears intensify, bedtime rituals can become powerful tools for settling racing thoughts and quieting worries.
Introduce Tools for Emotional Regulation
Even when we create calm surroundings, school fear can persist. That’s because fear isn’t just logical—it’s physiological. Helping your child develop coping strategies for big feelings gives them tools they can use beyond your presence. This can be as simple as teaching deep breathing, practicing mindfulness, or using grounding exercises. For younger children, creating a “worry box” they can fill with drawings and notes about their fears can be empowering.
Tools don’t always need to be “lessons,” though. Listening to calming audio stories can also help children explore emotions in a safe, imaginative space. One gentle resource many parents find supportive is the LISN Kids app, which offers original audiobooks and audio series crafted for kids ages 3-12. Whether through comforting characters or relatable storylines, these stories can help children relate to emotions—like fear, worry, or courage—with more understanding and less shame. It’s available on iOS and Android.
Work Together to Make a Plan
Once emotions are heard and validated, children may feel safer brainstorming solutions. Sit down together after a calm moment—not in the heat of crisis—and gently ask: "What would make school feel a little easier for you?" Your child might surprise you with clear suggestions: needing more time to eat lunch, sitting next to a friend in class, or having something comforting in their backpack.
Make your child part of the problem-solving process. When they have choices and involvement, fear becomes less paralyzing and more manageable. If the fear continues despite your efforts at home, consider collaborating with their teacher or school counselor. Their insight into classroom dynamics can be immensely valuable.
When to Seek Professional Support
Not all school fears are resolved quickly—and that’s okay. But if your child’s anxiety becomes chronic, interferes heavily with daily life, or manifests in physical symptoms, it may be time to talk with a therapist. A child psychologist or licensed counselor can offer additional insight and strategies specific to your child’s developmental and emotional needs.
Remember that asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent—it means you’re advocating for your child’s well-being.
In the End, Safety Leads to Learning
Children can only learn, grow, and thrive when they feel safe—emotionally and physically. Making school a less scary place begins at home, inside your daily relationship with your child. With connection, validation, and support, fear doesn’t disappear overnight—but it becomes something your child knows they don’t have to face alone.
And if you're looking for gentle ways to support your child's emotional world beyond conversations, the simple act of sharing a soothing story can do more than comfort—it can connect, heal, and inspire. One parent once said, "We can’t always fix what scares them, but we can sit with them anyway." Sometimes that’s what matters most.
For more tools to help your child explore and express big feelings, check out these additional reads: