How to Handle Jealousy Between Siblings: Helping Your Child Navigate Big Emotions

Seeing Sibling Jealousy Doesn't Make You a Bad Parent

If you're noticing that your child seems incredibly jealous of their younger (or older) sibling, you're not alone — and you're not failing. This kind of rivalry or envy is surprisingly common, especially in households where one child may feel overlooked, outpaced, or displaced. For children aged 6 to 12, who are already dealing with emotional ups and downs, jealousy can surface in moments when they feel unseen or misunderstood compared to their brother or sister.

But jealousy isn't just a 'bad attitude' — it's an emotion, not a behavior. And like all big emotions in children, it’s often a signal of unmet needs, insecurities, or a shifting sense of connection within the family. Understanding what’s behind the jealousy can help you support your child from a place of empathy — and begin healing the heavy feelings hiding beneath the surface.

What Might Jealousy Really Be Saying?

Let’s try to look at it from your child's perspective for a moment. Imagine watching your sibling get more attention, more praise for their school achievements, or tiny rewards for polite behavior — and you're having a hard time with schoolwork or feel like you're always being redirected or corrected. For a child, these small moments build up. They might start interpreting these differences as, “They love my sibling more,” or “I’m not as good.”

It’s not about logic or fairness — young kids don’t have the emotional maturity yet to see the bigger picture. That’s why the jealousy often shows up as:

• Anger toward the sibling
• Withdrawing from family moments
• Frequent complaints or saying “It’s not fair!”
• Regression in behavior (suddenly acting younger)

If you’d like to understand more about what’s behind your child’s difficult emotions, this guide to decoding emotions is a great place to start.

What You Can Do (Without Choosing Sides)

Many parents fear giving attention to the jealous child will reinforce negative behavior. But responding to the emotion isn't the same as rewarding it. In fact, ignoring these feelings can make things worse. Here's how to navigate it with presence and gentleness:

1. Acknowledge the Feeling — Without Judgment

“I can see it feels really hard for you when your sister gets praised, especially when you've been trying so hard too.” That simple sentence can open the door to connection. You’re not scolding, fixing, or minimizing. You're letting your child feel seen.

2. Make Room for Each Child As Their Own Person

It’s tempting to compare siblings — especially when one is easier or excelling in certain areas. But comparisons, even unintentional ones, can cut deep. Instead of saying, “Look how nicely your sister does her homework,” try framing praise around growth: “You stayed focused longer today — that shows real effort.” Personalized encouragement goes a long way in rebuilding self-confidence.

3. Create Alone Time for Your Jealous Child

Children who feel jealous often believe they don’t matter as much. Even ten minutes of one-on-one attention with no interruptions — drawing together, going on a short walk, or listening to a favorite audiobook — can refill their emotional cup.

This is where small tools can make a big difference. Some families have found that shared listening rituals using apps like iOS or Android versions of the LISN Kids App — filled with original audiobooks and calming audio stories — help siblings bond without competition. A shared bedtime story or a calming break on a tough school afternoon can restore emotional balance after a rocky day.

When Jealousy Turns Into Stress or Anxiety

Sometimes, jealousy isn’t just about sibling rivalry. It can also be a mask for stress related to larger emotional struggles — at school or in the family. Is your child also having trouble sleeping, focusing on homework, or withdrawing from other friendships? These can be signs that the problem goes deeper.

If this feels familiar, you might find it helpful to explore these resources:

• 5 calming tools to help your anxious child feel safe
• Supporting your child’s emotions after family changes

Understanding how your child regulates emotions — and what throws them off balance — is also crucial. For more about developmental emotional stages, see our article on emotional growth in young children (much of it still applies through age 10 or 12).

Model What It Looks Like to Manage Emotions

Your child is watching everything — and yes, they notice how you manage your own feelings too. When they see you staying calm when they lash out, or taking time to cool off before responding, you're giving them a living example of what emotional regulation looks like. You don’t have to be perfect — just present and honest. You might even say, “That was hurtful, and I need a moment to think about what to say.”

Lastly, Let Go of the Superhero Standard

Parenting a child with big feelings while maintaining a peaceful household (and maybe working full-time) is a daily act of magic. So be kind to yourself in this process. Sibling jealousy doesn’t mean your family is broken. It's simply a sign that your child needs support in feeling secure and valued — and with patience, they can get there.

One bedtime, one conversation, one smile at a time.