Mistakes to Avoid When Talking About Emotions With Your Child

Why Talking About Emotions Is So Hard—And So Important

If you're a parent of a school-aged child, chances are high that emotional outbursts, silent shutdowns, or endless frustration over homework are a daily part of your routine. You want to help—really, deeply want to make things better—but sometimes the more you try to talk your child through their emotions, the more disconnected you feel. Sound familiar?

Talking about emotions isn’t merely about soothing a bad day; it’s about teaching your child an essential life skill: emotional literacy. But many well-meaning conversations go off track because of common, understandable missteps. Let’s explore these pitfalls—gently—and what you can try instead.

Avoiding Emotions Instead of Naming Them

It’s natural to want to help your child feel better quickly. When they cry or express anger, your instinct might be to say, “Don’t be sad,” or “It’s not that bad.” These phrases come from a loving place, but often what your child hears is: “Your emotion is wrong.”

Instead, focus on naming emotions without judgment. Say, “I see that you're feeling really frustrated right now,” or “You seem really sad—do you want to talk or just sit together for a bit?” Simply naming the feeling creates safety. It tells your child: “Your emotions are real, and I’m not scared of them.”

You might find inspiration in this article on understanding what's behind your child's big emotions, which walks you through how to listen without immediately fixing.

Jumping Into Problem-Solving Mode Too Soon

Let’s say your 9-year-old is melting down over a math worksheet. You might jump in with, “Let’s look at number three together,” hoping to calm the storm. But addressing the task while your child is emotionally flooded can backfire.

Before offering solutions, create space for emotional processing. That might mean saying, “This seems really tough. Do you want to take a breath with me?” or using non-verbal support—like a comforting presence, a glass of water, or even a break for fresh air.

Once they’ve released some of the intensity, they’ll be more open to help. If you're wondering how to support this transition in a calming way, you might find this guide on bedtime rituals to help children release emotions especially helpful—even outside the context of sleep.

Underestimating the Power of Stories and Imagination

Emotions aren’t always logical, especially for children. Kids between 6 and 12 often understand big feelings better through metaphor, humor, or fantasy—less so through linear explanations. That’s where storytelling becomes a lifeline.

One subtle yet effective way to engage children with emotions is by introducing relatable characters and narratives that mirror their experiences. The LISN Kids app offers original audiobooks and audio series designed to help children process their feelings through storytelling, without pressure or lectures. You can find it on the Apple App Store or Google Play for Android.

Incorporating stories into daily routines—whether as bedtime wind-downs or quiet-time activities—can help make emotional literacy more approachable and even fun.

Talking "At" Instead of "With" Your Child

We've all been there: you try to explain why hitting isn’t okay, or why homework has to be done, and your child looks away, shrugs, or gives a robotic “okay.” When children feel like we’re lecturing, they often stop listening.

True connection comes from dialogue, not monologue. Pause to ask questions like, “What part felt hardest today?” or “What did your body feel like when that happened?” Allow silence, wait for their answers—even if they don’t come right away.

This is especially important when navigating sibling tension. Explore this guide to handling jealousy between siblings to help your children voice tricky feelings without shame.

Expecting Your Child to Always "Get It Right"

Even when you’ve had a beautiful breakthrough talk one day, the next may bring another meltdown. This doesn’t mean your efforts failed. Learning to understand and express emotions is a winding, non-linear path for children—and adults too.

Instead of measuring success in perfect behavior, look for tiny signs of growth: your child naming an emotion, asking for space, or even quietly decompressing after a stressful school day. Celebrate those moments; they’re the emotional equivalent of learning to walk.

For younger children or those just beginning this emotional journey, these foundational tips on emotional development can offer added insight into where they’re starting from—and where they’re headed.

Parenting with Curiosity, Not Perfection

If one thing is true in parenting, it’s this: You don’t need to get it all right. You just need to stay in it. When it comes to emotions, your presence—the steady reassurance of “I’m here, even with the hard stuff”—matters more than saying the perfect words.

Be gentle with yourself. Your willingness to sit with your child’s difficult feelings, even when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or unsure, is already a powerful act of love. And in those moments when things feel too big, sometimes a quiet story, a snuggle, or a simple, “I see you and I love you,” is all they (and you) need.

For more ways to bring calm and connection into daily life, especially during transitions, you might appreciate this article on soothing songs and gentle stories that help children find their emotional balance.