5 Mistakes to Avoid When Your Child Can't Stand Losing

When Losing Feels Like the End of the World

If your child melts down after a board game loss, turns a spelling bee into a tragedy, or refuses to play soccer again after missing a goal, you're not alone. Many kids aged 6 to 12 struggle with losing — not because they’re spoiled or overly sensitive, but because they're still developing the emotional tools to manage frustration, disappointment, and self-worth. As a parent, it’s natural to want to help. But sometimes, even with the best intentions, we can unknowingly make things worse.

Here are five common mistakes to avoid — along with what to try instead — if your child is having a hard time dealing with defeat.

Mistake #1: Rushing to Fix Everything

Watching your child struggle is hard. It can be tempting to jump in and rescue them — to soothe their tears, distract them immediately, or change the rules so they “feel better.” But when we swoop in too fast, we may be sending the message that disappointment is unbearable or unsafe. This robs them of the chance to sit with their emotions, name what they’re feeling, and gradually learn how to move through it.

Instead, try holding space for their feelings. You don’t need the perfect speech. Sometimes a calm presence and a simple, “I know it’s hard to lose — I’ve felt that way too,” can be enough to help them start processing the experience. Over time, these moments can become valuable training grounds for building emotional intelligence.

Mistake #2: Making It Too Positive, Too Soon

It’s wonderfully well-meaning to try to put a silver lining on losing — “At least you tried!” or “It’s just a game!” But if your child is still deep in frustration or sadness, excessive positivity can feel dismissive. It tells them to push away or ignore discomfort rather than learn how to feel it without crumbling.

Instead of rushing to reframe the experience, give them time to name what went wrong and what they wish had gone differently. When they’re ready, collaborate with them to discover the growth hidden in the loss — a critical part of teaching resilience through failure.

Mistake #3: Taking It Personally

When children lash out — yelling, sulking, even blaming family members — it’s easy to feel hurt, embarrassed, or angry. But remember: for many kids, particularly younger ones, losing can feel like a threat to their identity. They may not say, “I lost at Monopoly,” but rather, “I’m not good at anything.” In their eyes, failure doesn’t mean they performed poorly — it means they ARE inadequate.

This is why it’s so important to separate behavior from identity. Set boundaries, yes — “It’s okay to be upset, but it’s not okay to scream at your sister.” But beneath that, recognize the fear behind the outburst and guide the conversation toward empathy. Your steady presence teaches them that they are still worthy and loved, even in moments of imperfection.

Mistake #4: Avoiding Competitive Situations Altogether

After a few meltdowns, it's natural to want to protect your child. Maybe you stop playing games with winners and losers, steer clear of sports, or avoid test-based situations. But over time, this approach can make losing feel even scarier — like something too overwhelming to face.

A more balanced approach: seek out low-stakes opportunities to practice losing in safe, supportive environments. Cooperative games can help, but so can simple games with small wins and losses. Consider trying audio games designed to challenge and delight — they often provide structure while keeping emotional intensity low. The iOS and Android versions of the LISN Kids App offer playful interactive stories and challenges that aren’t about winning or losing, but about immersion and imagination. They're a creative way to help children experience success and setbacks through characters they admire.

Mistake #5: Forcing a Smile and Moving On

After a tough loss, it’s tempting to push your child to “move on” before they’re ready. You might say, “Chin up!” or “There’s always next time!” But if your child hasn’t been supported in acknowledging their real emotions, they may carry them unprocessed. This can erode their willingness to try again — because deep down, they don’t feel understood.

Instead of pushing past the moment, help your child reflect: “What part of the game made you the most upset?” or “What would you like to do differently next time?” When we slow down and gently process the experience, we help children find the courage to try again without fear.

Letting Growth Happen — One Loss at a Time

No parent wants to see their child struggle — but resisting discomfort too fiercely can actually delay the very growth we hope to encourage. Learning to lose gracefully takes time, repetition, connection, and above all, patience.

The next time your child throws the Uno cards or storms out of a game, take a breath. This isn't a sign of failure — yours or theirs — but a powerful opportunity. Each moment of struggle can help them become more emotionally attuned, more resilient, and more willing to try again.

And isn’t that what real winning looks like?