When Your Child Gives Up After Losing: How to Help Them Find Joy in Trying Again

Why Losing Feels So Big to Children

"He threw the board game across the room and stormed off." If this scene sounds eerily familiar, you’re not alone. For many children between 6 and 12, losing isn’t just about a failed game or a missed answer—it can feel like a personal failure. And when losing becomes unbearable, some kids simply stop trying altogether. "Why bother if I’m not going to win?" they ask, retreating into a world where effort seems pointless.

As a parent, it can be heartbreaking (and exhausting) to watch your child spiral from momentary frustration to full-blown defeat. You want to help, but what do you say when your child shuts down just because things didn’t go perfectly?

Understanding the Root of Giving Up

Kids don’t naturally handle failure with grace—it’s something they learn over time, from experience and from us. The fear of not being good enough can weigh heavily, especially when perfectionism creeps in or comparisons with siblings or classmates feel constant. Some children also internalize losing more deeply, seeing it not just as a disappointing result, but as a reflection of who they are.

What they need most is the sense that trying—and trying again—is what really matters. And that their worth doesn’t hinge on getting it right the first time.

Reframing Failure as Growth

Instead of rushing in with solutions, try to shift your child’s perspective on failure. A loss isn’t proof of inadequacy; it’s proof that they were brave enough to try. This subtle reframing can become a powerful change-maker in your family’s day-to-day life at school, during homework, or even on the soccer field.

Begin with everyday language:

• "That didn't go the way you hoped—but I'm proud you gave it a shot."
• "Trying again shows courage, not weakness."
• "Nobody gets it perfect the first time, especially when they’re learning."

Allow space for them to express disappointment. You might find these strategies for helping your child express emotions after a loss particularly useful.

Building the Capacity to Try Again

Once the emotions settle, how do you encourage your child to re-engage? Focus on small wins and safe spaces to fail. Try board games where chance plays an equal role, or creative writing activities where there isn’t a clear "winner." Create low-stakes environments where trying is the goal—where laughter counts more than being the best.

Tools like story-driven audio content can also help bridge this emotional gap. Apps such as LISN Kids offer beautifully produced audiobooks and series that feature characters learning resilience through setbacks—something your child may relate to more powerfully through storytelling. You can find LISN Kids on iOS and Android.

What to Do in the Heat of the Moment

When your child says, "I give up" or angrily refuses to try again, avoid pushing back with logic in that moment. Instead, just listen. Reflect what they’re feeling: "It really hurts to lose, doesn’t it?" Then, offer a comfort anchor, not a fix-it speech. One parent recently shared that asking, "Do you want a hug or space?" changed their child’s post-meltdown patterns over time.

You might also explore how active listening when your child struggles with losing helps reduce emotional shutdowns and build trust for the next challenge.

When they calm down, try asking open-ended questions like, “What would you like to do differently next time?” or “Should we try again together tomorrow?” Effort belongs to the present moment—help them locate that spark again.

Supporting Long-Term Resilience

Every time your child faces a small failure, they’re building resilience—but only if they feel safe enough to stay with the struggle. What we want to plant is the belief that our best effort is worthwhile, regardless of outcome. That persistence is its own kind of success.

Look for patterns in your child’s reactions. If blame often replaces reflection, this article on what to do when your child always blames others for losing can provide helpful insights. Similarly, if confidence seems deeply shaken, you might explore ways to rebuild their confidence after a setback.

Most importantly, allow them to experience the full arc of trying, failing, and growing—with you right there beside them. The goal isn’t to erase frustration with losing, but to raise a child who knows they can handle it, and grow from it.

A Gentle Path Forward

No strategy will work overnight. But small, patient shifts in how we talk about losing and effort—plus thoughtful emotional support—can help your child find their courage again.

If you're looking to nurture that growth mindset one story at a time, you might also enjoy the guide on using audio games to help kids learn to lose gracefully.

Helping your child stay in the game—literally or figuratively—starts with meeting them exactly where they are, and simply saying: "Trying again is always worth it. Not because you’ll win, but because you’re learning, growing, and becoming who you are."