10 Parent-Tested Tips to Help Your Child Handle Defeat with Maturity

Why Losing Feels So Big to Children

If your child melts down after losing a board game or avoids competitive situations altogether, you're not alone. For kids aged 6 to 12, defeat doesn't always feel small. It feels personal. Children at this stage are still developing emotionally, and setbacks—no matter how minor they may seem to adults—can chip away at their self-esteem or trigger big emotions.

Learning to lose gracefully is a skill, not a trait. And like any skill, it can be practiced and nurtured. If your child crumbles after every defeat, don’t panic. This is a teachable moment—one that can shape their resilience, confidence, and emotional intelligence long-term.

Shift the Conversation Around Winning

Too often, children absorb the message (sometimes subtly) that winning is everything. If praise only comes after a victory—or if disappointment casts a shadow when they don’t win—they’ll start to measure their worth by their success.

Instead, model and talk about effort, strategy, improvement, and joy. Say things like:

• “You planned such a smart move in that game—that was fun to watch!”
• “What did you learn from that round?”
• “You kept going even when it got tough. That’s something to be proud of.”

Over time, this helps separate self-worth from outcomes.

Normalize Losing as Part of Life

Children often see losses as rare and embarrassing when, in fact, failure is a normal human experience. Share simple examples from your own life (“I didn’t get the job I wanted once, but I learned a lot from it”) or talk about famous figures who failed before they succeeded.

Stories can help tremendously here. Audiobooks or audio stories designed for kids can be an easy way to deliver these messages gently, through characters they love. The Apple App Store (iOS) or Google Play (Android) both offer access to LISN Kids, an app filled with original audio series designed to support kids’ emotional development—including themes like resilience, friendship, and yes, losing with grace.

Observe Their Triggers Without Judgment

Some kids grow frustrated during board games. Others lose control during sports. Some even shut down after getting a lower grade than expected. Pay close attention to when and where your child struggles with defeat. Understanding the context allows you to talk more meaningfully about their feelings and offer support that feels relevant.

If your child becomes angry or even breaks things following a loss, you might find additional insight in our guide on helping kids calm down after big reactions.

Practice Losing—On Purpose

Set up game nights with deliberate opportunities to practice losing. Let your child see you lose first. As you model calmness and even humor around loss, they’re likely to internalize your cues.

Over time, gently create situations where they can experience defeat in a safe, low-stakes way. Praise not the outcome, but their response to it. For instance: “You didn’t win that round, and you handled it really well. That shows maturity.”

Validate the Emotion—but Teach What to Do Next

When your child cries or complains after a loss, resist the urge to shut it down quickly. Saying “It’s just a game” or “Don’t be such a sore loser” won’t help. Instead, acknowledge their disappointment. Try: “I know it didn’t go the way you hoped—that can be hard.” Then, help them name the feeling and figure out what comes next.

This emotional coaching builds the kind of inner toolkit they need to manage big feelings in the future.

Reinforce the Value of Play and Process

Shifting your family's perspective around play can go a long way. Ask after a game: What did you enjoy? What would you do differently next time?

We dive deeper into this idea in our article on stories that teach kids to accept losing without tears or tantrums. Sometimes just reframing how you talk about competition can take away its sting.

Don’t Let Cheating Become a Coping Mechanism

Some kids cheat not because they’re dishonest, but because they simply can’t bear to lose. If this sounds familiar, our piece on why children cheat to avoid losing unpacks what’s going on—and how to redirect that behavior into healthy coping strategies.

Use Stories of Others to Teach Empathy

Reading or listening to stories where characters lose, struggle, and learn can generate empathy and understanding. Ask your child: “How do you think she felt when she lost? What would you say to her?” Slowly, they’ll begin to turn that same compassion inward.

Want to understand more about why these losses matter so much? Our article on why learning to lose is essential to emotional growth offers more insights.

Celebrate Growth, Not Just Wins

Finally, make a habit of noticing and naming progress over time. Say: “Last time you lost, you were really frustrated. Today you stayed calm. I saw how much you’ve grown.”

This feedback loops back into their self-image—not as someone who has to win, but as someone who is growing.

One Step at a Time

No child learns to handle defeat overnight. They will still have tough moments, especially if they're tired, stressed by school, or already feeling vulnerable. But with compassionate guidance (and a little patience), you’re building something deeper than sportsmanship—you’re nurturing a grounded, resilient young person who’s prepared for life’s inevitable ups and downs.