Why Learning to Lose Is Essential for Your Child’s Emotional Growth

Why it hurts to lose — and why it matters

If you’ve ever watched your child crumble after losing a board game, storm off the soccer field mid-match, or fall apart after a low test score, you're not alone. Many children between 6 and 12 struggle deeply with losing — and as a parent, it can be tough to witness. It’s tempting to shield them from defeat or to soften every blow. But here’s the truth: learning to lose is one of the most important emotional skills your child can develop.

Loss brings up powerful emotions: disappointment, frustration, envy, shame. These aren't easy feelings — even for adults. But in childhood, the ability to face those emotions, process them, and bounce back is part of building emotional resilience. Children who learn to lose gracefully are more likely to develop empathy, patience, perseverance, and confidence that isn't tied solely to winning.

The trap of overprotection

As a parent, you might instinctively want to protect your child from the sting of failure. That could mean letting them win every game, avoiding competitive situations, or stepping in to “fix” a situation when they’re falling behind in school. But overprotection can actually send the message that losing is unbearable — or worse, shameful.

The goal isn't to make children enjoy losing. No one enjoys it. Instead, helping them experience loss in safe, supported environments prepares them for bigger challenges later: making mistakes on a test, receiving criticism, or not getting into a desired club or group at school. Loss becomes not an endpoint, but a stepping stone.

Start with play: the hidden classroom

One of the most effective spaces to teach children about loss is through play. Games, especially ones designed for collaboration and strategy, offer a natural opportunity to face defeat in a low-stakes setting. But without guidance, some kids will either avoid games altogether or resort to cheating, tantrums, or quitting when things don't go their way.

If your child struggles with this, you might relate to the question in this article about kids who cheat to avoid losing. It's a revealing look into how loss can feel like a threat to a child’s sense of self — and how to gently help them reframe it.

You don’t need to dive straight into competitive games. Try cooperative games that shift the focus from winning to working together. There are several wonderful examples of cooperative games here. These alternatives teach rule-following, turn-taking, and emotional flexibility — all essential skills for managing defeat.

Naming the feelings

When your child experiences a loss — be it through a game, a missed opportunity, or underperforming at school — be available not with solutions, but with empathy. Naming their feelings helps them make sense of what’s happening inside.

You might say: “It looks like you’re upset because you wanted to win,” or “I saw how hard you worked, and I know you're disappointed that it didn’t turn out the way you hoped.” Validating their emotional experience without trying to erase it builds trust and allows space for emotional growth.

In the days that follow, consider reading or listening to stories together that deal with perseverance, failure, and rising again. The iOS and Android versions of the LISN Kids App offer age-appropriate audiobooks and original stories that weave these emotional lessons into compelling narratives children love.

Helping kids try again

Perhaps the most important step after loss is what comes next. For many children, a failure — academic or emotional — can feel so overwhelming that they avoid trying again. Encouraging gentle persistence can change that narrative.

Start small. After a setback, help your child plan for a single step they can take toward improvement, whether it’s asking a teacher for help, reviewing a mistake together, or just agreeing to try the game again tomorrow. Celebrate the effort rather than the outcome.

If your child tends to shut down or lash out, these ideas for emotional regulation through playful activities can help. Sometimes, emotions settle best through movement, art, or expressive play — not lectures.

When your child loses — and makes someone else lose

Teaching children to respond to a loss is just one part of the puzzle; helping them be kind when others lose is equally important. Reflecting on how they treat peers, teammates, or siblings after a competition or disagreement helps build social awareness.

After a win, you can ask gently: “How do you think your friend felt?” or “What could you say to someone who’s feeling upset about losing?” For ideas on how to encourage this kind of compassion, read this piece on nurturing kindness after a loss.

Loss isn’t the enemy — it’s a teacher

It’s not easy to step back and watch your child hurt. But in protecting them from every loss, we may actually be robbing them of the chance to grow. The trick is not to force loss on them, but to walk alongside them as they weather it — gently, consistently, and with a hand to hold.

Learning to lose doesn't just make children better sports or students — it helps prepare them for the vast, unpredictable roads of life. If your child hates losing, struggles with patience, or simply needs support, don’t miss our deep dive into how to teach patience and perseverance to kids who resist challenge.

Because in the end, it's not whether they win or lose — it's who they become along the way.