What to Do When Your Child Struggles with Frustration

Understanding Where Frustration Comes From

When your child throws their pencil across the room or bursts into tears over a small mistake in their homework, it's more than just a tantrum. It’s frustration — that intense, often overwhelming emotion that builds up when things don’t go as hoped. And for kids between the ages of 6 and 12, managing this feeling is still a skill in progress.

Frustration arises when a child feels helpless, misunderstood, or incapable. Maybe the math homework is too hard. Maybe they didn’t get picked for the group project. Or maybe they’re just having a really tough day and the final straw was their little brother touching their things. What matters most is not just fixing the situation, but helping your child build the ability to ride out tough emotions and come out stronger.

Frustration Isn’t the Enemy—Avoiding It Can Be

Many well-meaning parents fall into the trap of trying to eliminate frustration completely. It’s an understandable reaction—who wants to see their child suffer? But frustration is a normal, even necessary part of growth. Learning how to tolerate and navigate frustration is key to building emotional intelligence, perseverance, and problem-solving skills.

Instead of shielding your child from every disappointment, think of yourself as their coach. When they hit a wall, you’re not there to remove the wall—you’re there to lift their spirits, help them find a way around or through it, and remind them that it’s completely okay to struggle.

Helping Your Child Name and Normalize Frustration

Children can only manage feelings they understand. If your child isn’t yet able to say, “I’m frustrated because I can’t figure this out,” they might instead lash out, shut down, or cry—which can look like resistance or defiance. That’s why one of the most effective first steps is helping them identify what they’re feeling.

Try saying things like:

• “It looks like you’re really upset. Is it because this feels hard right now?”
• “Sometimes when I get stuck, I feel kind of angry too. Does it feel like that for you?”

Empathizing and naming the emotion builds awareness. Over time, this helps kids shift from reacting to reflecting. For more ideas on how to support this kind of emotional growth, you might explore how active listening helps children work through big feelings.

Give Frustration a Safe Outlet

Once frustration surfaces, it needs to go somewhere. Having a safe outlet can make all the difference between an explosive or a restorative moment. One surprisingly effective method at this age is play. Play can unlock a child’s natural ability to process emotions, even when they’re not ready to talk about them.

Maybe your child likes building things with blocks when they’re upset—or stomping around the backyard pretending they’re a dinosaur. These are not distractions, but emotional strategies. According to research on play and emotional expression, physical, imaginative, and auditory play all help children regain a sense of control and safety after difficult feelings.

Listening to calming stories together can also create a mood shift and spark conversations. Apps like iOS or Android versions of the LISN Kids app offer soft, immersive audio stories specially created for kids ages 3–12. These gentle narratives can provide a pause in the day, and even help kids reflect on feelings they hear echoed in a story character.

Be Your Child’s Calm Anchor

Your calm is contagious. On hard days, your child might “borrow” your regulation skills when their own are in short supply. That doesn’t mean you need to be perfect—it just means your presence and tone matter more than your words.

It’s okay to say, “I see this is really hard. Let’s take a few deep breaths together before we keep going.” Even if they refuse, the invitation matters. You’re showing them a way through when they feel like there’s no way out.

Some children may lean into shutting down, rather than lashing out, when frustrated. If your child withdraws or goes silent during moments of difficulty, this guide on why some kids shut down emotionally might offer valuable insights.

Help Them Try Again Tomorrow

Sometimes the best decision is to stop, rest, and try again later. Reframing failure not as the end, but as “not yet,” can be a game-changer. Imagine telling your child, “It’s okay to leave this for now. You’re learning. Let’s come back when your brain feels more ready.”

This approach gently builds their confidence and honors their pace—while still encouraging progress. Creating a space where mistakes are normal, welcomed even, opens the door for resilience to grow.

Lead with Connection, Then Problem Solve

Connection comes before correction. Before diving into solutions (“You just need to do it step-by-step!”), aim to connect: “I see this is driving you nuts. I’m here with you.” Once their nervous system is more settled, you can explore next steps together.

In some families, using playful strategies to manage emotional overwhelm works wonders. In others, creating a visual frustration scale, journaling, or mindfulness helps more. Continue experimenting until you find what fits your child best—and expect that it’ll change as they grow.

Final Thoughts: Growth Takes Time

Helping your child manage frustration is a long game. There will be steps forward and setbacks. But with your guidance, your presence, and the emotional tools you’re building together, your child can and will get stronger at handling life’s inevitable hard moments.

In the end, you’re not just guiding them through this one struggle—you’re equipping them for a lifetime of challenges, persistence, and hope.