What to Do When Your Child Can't Handle Losing: Real Help for Parents

When Losing Feels Like the End of the World

You've just started a family board game night. Everything's going well—laughter, snacks, and a sense of connection—until your 8-year-old loses a round. Suddenly, it’s tears, yelling, maybe even throwing the game pieces. Or perhaps they storm off, and your lovely evening spirals into anything but relaxing. If you're nodding along, you're far from alone.

Many parents of children aged 6 to 12 face this challenge: their child doesn’t just dislike losing, they seem to crumble under it. You might worry this behavior will follow them into schools, friendships, or other arenas of life. The good news? A child who struggles with losing is not broken—they're still learning. And this moment of tension is actually an opportunity for emotional growth.

Why Losing Hurts So Much for Some Children

At this age, kids are building their understanding of rules, competition, and fairness. They're also learning who they are in relation to others. Losing a game or academic contest can feel, to them, like losing approval, competence, or even love. For some, especially if they’re sensitive or perfectionistic, a simple loss can trigger a tsunami of emotion.

If your child often reacts intensely to losing, they may be struggling with:

• A fear of failure or disappointing others
• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Low frustration tolerance
• Rigid thinking patterns (e.g., “If I don’t win, I’m terrible at this.”)

Helping them navigate these emotions takes time, patience, and practice—but it is doable.

Start with Empathy, Not Fixing

When emotions flare—whether after a lost soccer game, a disappointing math quiz, or a round of Uno gone sideways—the first step is always to connect. Your child is hurting, even if it doesn’t look like it. Instead of rushing to fix the situation, try simply sitting beside them and naming what they might be feeling:

“It’s so hard not to win when you tried really hard.”

When you validate their experience before offering a lesson, you build safety. And from that safe space, kids are actually more open to growth. You’ll find deeper insights in our guide on why your child struggles with losing and how you can gently guide them forward.

Practice Losing Outside High-Stakes Moments

Growth doesn’t happen in the heat of the moment—it happens in quiet, curious practice. That means finding ways for your child to experience loss in a safe, low-pressure setting. Try creating moments where small losses are part of the fun:

• Play cooperative games where you sometimes lose together
• Tell silly stories where the characters fail in humorous, harmless ways
• Share your own stories of messing up and laughing about it later

You might also enjoy listening to stories together that model humility, emotional setbacks, and courage. The iOS or Android version of the LISN Kids App offers engaging, age-appropriate audio series designed for children 3 to 12. Through storytelling, kids can build empathy and emotional language—two key parts of navigating disappointment.

Set the Stage (Before the Game Begins)

Before starting a game or contest with your child, preview what might happen. You can gently talk about the possibility of losing and what that might feel like:

“We might all win and lose tonight. What can we do to have fun, no matter what?”

Make it about the experience over the outcome. This is an ongoing mindset shift, and it starts with you. When you model grace—whether you win or lose—your child sees that their value isn’t tied to being the best.

If you’re crafting a more intentional routine around screen time and calm evenings, these moments can be part of a larger family rhythm. Consider reading our reflection on creating a screen-free evening ritual—especially helpful for decompressing after big emotional meltdowns.

Build Their Skills One Conversation at a Time

After a loss—once emotions have settled—you’re in prime territory for growth. This doesn’t have to be a “lesson” or a lecture. It can be as simple as a walk together, a conversation while folding laundry, or a chat before bedtime.

Consider questions like:

• "What part felt the hardest today when you didn’t win?"
• "What do you think we could try next time to help that part feel a little easier?"
• "Did anything in the game feel fun, even though you didn’t win?"

Over time, these reflective conversations teach resilience and self-awareness. You don’t have to have all the answers; just showing up matters. For more support, this guide on helping your child handle losing with confidence may bring you additional insights.

Small Steps Lead to Big Skills

If your child struggles with losing, it’s not a red flag—it’s a flashing sign that they’re in the process of developing emotional tools they’ll need for a lifetime. Losing gracefully is a skill. Like reading or riding a bike, it takes repetition, coaching, and a whole heap of encouragement.

So when your child melts down over a lost game or a spelling bee defeat, take a breath. You don’t need to fix it—you just need to walk with them through it. You’re not alone in this journey.

And in case you’re wondering how to help your child even enjoy losing someday, yes, it's possible. Here's how other parents are doing it, step by step, over at How to Help Your Child Lose Gracefully.