Should You Tell Your Child That You No Longer Love Each Other?

When the Truth Grows Too Heavy to Hide

If you're standing at the edge of a separation, or already living under two roofs, you've likely asked yourself this heartbreaking question: Should we tell our child we no longer love each other?

It’s not only a painful truth for you and your partner—it’s a truth that ripples into your child’s world, too. And if your child is between 6 and 12 years old, they’re developmentally at a stage where they begin to notice emotional subtleties, even when words are unspoken. They are tuned in. Silence can be louder than you think.

But blurting out "We don't love each other anymore"—out of anger, exhaustion, or even honesty—is not always the most helpful way to speak your truth.

What Your Child Really Needs to Hear

This age—late childhood—is a time when kids crave security. They want routines, predictability, and clear emotional cues. Imagine learning that the two people you trust most no longer feel love for each other—it can usher in deep fears: Will they stop loving me too? Is this my fault? Are we still a family?

So if you and your co-parent no longer feel love for one another, it’s essential to frame that reality in a way that protects your child’s emotional foundation. And no, that does not mean being dishonest. It means choosing the right language and the right timing.

The Message Behind the Message

When parents tell their child, “We no longer love each other,” the unspoken message can feel like a fracture in the universe. Children may not understand the complexities of romantic relationships, but they deeply understand connection—and disconnection. You can be honest about the change in your relationship while still giving your child reassurance.

For example:

• “We have changed. Sometimes people grow in different directions.”
• “We don’t want to hurt each other anymore by staying in a relationship that no longer works.”
• “What hasn't changed—and never will—is how much we both love you.”

Avoid making your child the go-between or leaning on them for emotional support. They need you to be the strong one right now—even if behind closed doors, you're struggling too.

Timing Matters More Than You Think

Your child will remember this conversation. Maybe not the exact words, but the feeling around it. So think carefully about when and how to talk to them. Choose a calm moment, when both parents can be present if possible. And most importantly, ensure the message is shared by both of you, no matter how fractured the connection between you might be.

Your child deserves to know that the end of your couple does not mean the end of your family.

What If My Child Is Already Struggling at School?

Many parents notice their children’s academic motivation dip during times of family instability. Homework becomes harder to manage. Focus disappears. That’s not because they’re acting out—it’s because their emotional bandwidth is already maxed out.

If this sounds familiar, consider how your approach at home may be helping—or unintentionally increasing their stress. Creating a calm and safe routine across two homes can bring back that sense of structure. And resist the urge to rush them back into peak academic performance. Emotional safety comes first.

Building Connection, Even from Two Houses

If you’re navigating shared custody, especially in the early stages, finding emotional continuity can be tough. You’re not just moving furniture and schedules—you’re rebuilding your child’s emotional map. To help foster that sense of connection, read our piece on building emotional bonds across shared custody.

During transitions, consider simple daily rituals that travel between homes: sending notes in their backpack, reading the same story at bedtime, or listening to an audiobook they love no matter where they are. In fact, the iOS and Android versions of the LISN Kids App offer a beautiful way to do just that. With original audiobooks and stories tailored for ages 3 to 12, children can find comfort in familiar voices during bedtime or breaks—no matter which home they're in.

Handling Big Questions and Bigger Emotions

Don’t be surprised if your child begins to ask you things no one prepared you for. “Do you still love Mom?” “Could you get back together someday?” “Can I live only with Dad?”

These questions deserve honest answers, grounded in love and clarity. Here’s how to respond when your child says they want to live with the other parent. And most importantly, remember: your job is not to eliminate their pain, but to help carry it, bit by bit, until it’s lighter.

You Don’t Have to Do It Perfectly

If we’re honest, there is no perfect way to tell your child that love between their parents has changed. There is no script that guarantees an easy transition. But what you can give them is honesty, wrapped in reassurance. Respect, paired with structure. And a consistent, unwavering message: we are still your parents, and we’re not going anywhere.

You are not expected to do this alone. And your child? They don’t need perfect. They just need present, patient, and honest. If you’re wondering how to support them in the weeks that follow, this guide on helping your child adjust after divorce may help.

Final Thought

Saying the words “we don’t love each other anymore” should never be about making a point—it should be about making space: for compassion, for clarity, and above all, for your child’s continued sense of security.