How to Respond When Your Child Says They Want to Live with the Other Parent

Understanding What Your Child Is Really Saying

When your child looks up at you and says, "I want to live with Mom" or "I want to go to Dad’s house," your heart may sting with grief, confusion, or even anger. If you're co-parenting after a separation or divorce, this moment can leave you spiraling with questions—What did I do wrong? Are they unhappy here? Does the other home feel safer or more fun?

It's a common and deeply emotional moment in shared parenting, but it’s also one that requires you to pause, breathe, and listen—to your child and to yourself. Children aged 6 to 12 are navigating complex emotions without the words to always express them clearly. When they express a desire to switch homes, it doesn’t always mean they want to escape from you. It may reflect something simpler—or something deeper.

Emotions Behind the Words

Before jumping into action or reacting defensively, take time to understand what might be driving your child’s statement. Are they feeling overwhelmed at school and associating the other home with peace? Did they just have a disagreement with you? Are they missing their pet, sibling, or a routine from the other house?

In this age group, children are still developing emotionally and psychologically. They may not be saying "I don’t love you" or "I want to leave you." They might be trying to communicate:

• A need for more stability
• Loneliness or missing the other parent
• A desire for control in a world where few decisions are theirs to make
• A reaction to conflict or stress in the home

How to Respond Without Shutting Down the Conversation

One of the most powerful things you can do in this moment is to stay open. That doesn’t mean agreeing or giving in right away. It means showing your child that you’re safe to talk to—even when the topic is hard. Try saying something like:

"That’s a big feeling. Can you help me understand what’s making you feel that way?"

Give your child time to explore their thoughts. Don’t rush to fix or dismiss. Often, just being heard is enough to ease their need for immediate change.

If the comment came in the heat of a stressful moment—maybe after being told to do homework or stop playing—it could simply be frustration spilling over. But if the wish to live with the other parent comes up regularly or reflects genuine sadness, it’s time to gently explore what they’re experiencing.

Looking at the Bigger Picture

Sometimes, the desire to live with the other parent signals a need for adjustments in the current arrangement. This doesn’t mean you’re failing. Parenting after separation is complex, and every family's situation is different. Ask yourself:

• Are we maintaining consistent routines across both homes?
• Does my child have enough quality time with me, free from screens, homework, or chores?
• Has the other parent introduced something new—a pet, a step-sibling, a new home—that's exciting for the child?

Consider whether changes can be made to improve your child’s experience in your home without turning it into a competition. Our article on creating positive, calm transitions between homes might offer helpful ideas.

When to Involve the Other Parent—or a Professional

If your child repeatedly brings this up, it’s wise to talk with the other parent—calmly and without blame. The goal isn’t to debate, but to explore what’s best for your child together. Open communication can lead to small changes that make a big difference, whether it’s adjusting schedules, sleepovers, or emotional support.

At times, a neutral third party like a school counselor or child therapist can help uncover what your child is going through. Emotional expression can be complex, especially for children dealing with loss or loyalty conflicts. Professionals can guide you in translating big feelings into manageable steps.

Reinforcing Stability and Connection

Whether or not any changes in living arrangements occur, your child benefits most from feeling secure and connected to both parents. Reinforce their sense of belonging. Make time for rituals they can count on—weekly game nights, bedtime chats, walks after dinner. Predictability, love, and quality attention are more powerful than any parenting strategy.

If school stress or emotional overwhelm is part of your child’s story, weaving in calming, screen-free routines like listening to stories together can be incredibly grounding. The iOS or Android version of the LISN Kids App offers a wide range of audiobooks and series designed for kids aged 3–12. These audio stories help them unwind, manage worries, and feel safe—wherever they are.

When the Decision Must Be Made

In some families, whether due to a child’s persistent need or logistical changes, the request to live with the other parent may result in real change. If that moment comes, it can be heartbreaking. But you are still your child’s parent. You are still their anchor. As hard as it feels, allowing space for their voice and agency can be part of their growth and healing process.

And that doesn’t mean you disappear from their life. Maintain consistency and connection—through weekly dinners, school pickups, bedtime calls. Kids need you to show them that love does not depend on physical presence alone, but on emotional availability.

Whether you're navigating early discussions or making big decisions, our guides on educational continuity and helping kids adjust to new environments can support you along the way.

You’re Still Their Person

In the end, your child’s request to live with the other parent is not a rejection. It is a reflection of their inner world—a fluid, emotional landscape where love, comfort, and belonging coexist in both homes. Your response—patient, curious, brave—matters more than the words that sparked it.

Your role continues, no matter where your child sleeps tonight. Your presence, your love, your willingness to listen—those are what truly shape their sense of security and self.