How to Support Your Child When They Cry After Losing

Why losing can feel so big to children

You're in the middle of a quiet family game night or watching your child play soccer, and suddenly, their face crumples. They lose — and the tears begin. Maybe it's Monopoly or a class contest, a spelling bee or a race at the playground. Either way, your child is wrecked. And you're stuck between sympathy and frustration, wondering, "Why does losing cause such a meltdown?"

First, know this: Your child's reaction is far more common than it might seem. Between the ages of 6 and 12, kids are developing a more nuanced understanding of competition, self-esteem, and social comparison. Losing can feel like public proof that they're not good enough. It taps into big, layered emotions—disappointment, shame, even fear of rejection.

But the ability to lose, reflect, and bounce back isn’t automatic. It's something kids learn. And like any lesson, it takes time, consistency, and a good deal of compassion from the adults around them.

What’s really behind the tears

When your child breaks down after a loss, the root cause isn’t always just the game—it can be a crescendo of emotions built over the day. Maybe school was hard. Maybe they feel left out socially, or they're putting pressure on themselves to always succeed—and a small loss becomes a tipping point.

In these moments, your instinct might be to downplay their reaction: "It’s not a big deal," or "It’s just a game." But to them? It is a big deal. By minimizing their tears, we unintentionally tell them those emotions aren't valid.

Instead, consider reframing. A helpful starting point might simply be: “It looked like that didn’t feel good. Want to talk about it?” Empathy opens the door for emotional regulation. From here, we can begin to model better coping strategies.

Helping your child process disappointment

It’s not our job to eliminate all sadness or frustration from our children’s lives. But we can teach them how to sit with those feelings without being consumed by them. This might mean slowing down, sitting next to them (literally or metaphorically), and resisting the urge to jump into problem-solving mode.

When the timing feels right—not right amid the tears—gently explore what your child was feeling. Encourage them to name the emotion: Was it embarrassment? Anger? Sadness? Naming emotions takes the edge off and activates the thinking brain.

Support is also about prevention, not just damage control. For example, you might start incorporating playful activities that build emotional resilience. We've written on 5 playful ways to help your child develop emotional regulation skills, if you're looking for engaging and age-appropriate strategies to develop coping muscles early on.

Games and stories as emotional classrooms

Games aren't just entertainment—they're a rehearsal space for emotional development. Each round of Uno or kickball can teach kids about collaboration, impulse control, and yes, disappointment.

Something as simple as switching to cooperative board games for a while can subtly shift the emotional dynamic. Or reworking the definition of “winning” to include having fun or making someone laugh during the game can be surprisingly powerful.

Children often learn best through stories. Sometimes, hearing about a character who loses, gets upset, but finds a way to move forward can be far more impactful than any lecture. This is where the LISN Kids App can step in as a beautiful and gentle resource. The app offers original audiobooks designed for ages 3–12, many of which help normalize losing and build resilience through storytelling. You can find it on iOS or Android.

We recommend weaving stories into your daily rhythm—perhaps during car rides or wind-down time before bed.

For more ideas, take a look at these stories recommended for kids struggling with losing.

What if your child starts acting out when they lose?

Angry outbursts, name-calling, even breaking things—these often go hand in hand with crying. If your child quickly escalates from tears to tantrums, you might wonder how to set limits while still being compassionate.

This is a delicate balance. It's okay—important, even—to set firm boundaries: “It’s okay to be sad. It’s not okay to throw things.” Validation paired with limits helps children feel safe, especially in states of emotional overwhelm.

If this is something you’re navigating right now, our guide on how to help your child calm down after breaking things when they lose might resonate deeply.

Let losing be a part of growing

Losing is hard. It’s also important. Studies consistently show that children who learn to tolerate frustration, adapt their strategies, and recover after setbacks are better equipped for lifelong learning and relationships.

That resilience doesn't come overnight. It builds in everyday interactions—through bedtime stories, gentle conversations, and using moments of disappointment as chances to build connection.

Finally, don’t worry if your child cheats or bends the rules sometimes to avoid losing. They’re not being bad; they’re trying, in their own way, to manage their anxiety. If this rings true, you may want to read our article on why children cheat to avoid losing—and how to respond.

Remember, no one builds resilience alone. Your child needs you—not with the perfect reaction, but with your steady presence, your patience, and your willingness to come back to the conversation again and again.