How to Help Your Child Understand That Losing Is Part of the Game

Why Losing Feels So Big to Kids

If you're a parent of a child between six and twelve, you've likely seen firsthand how deeply a lost game or poor test score can rattle them. You're not alone. For children in this age range, self-worth is often tied up in success—winning, being praised, receiving top marks. Losing feels personal. It's not just a setback; for them, it can feel like a reflection of their capability or worth.

Unlike adults, who have had years of experience building resilience through disappointment, children are still learning how to navigate their emotions. When they lose, they might cry, storm off, lash out, or give up entirely. Before jumping into solutions, it's important to pause and recognize the emotions at play. For your child, the pain of losing is real—and they need you to help them put words to those feelings.

Start with Empathy, Not Correction

When your child dramatically reacts to a loss—whether during a board game, a spelling quiz, or soccer practice—your first instinct might be to correct or teach. But what they need most in that moment is someone to witness how big their feelings are. Saying something as simple as, “It looks like you’re really disappointed,” is far more effective than, “It’s just a game.”

Empathizing doesn’t mean letting go of standards or ignoring poor behavior. It means you’re creating a space where your child feels safe enough to process their emotions, making them more receptive later to learning about resilience, effort, and emotional regulation.

Build Emotional Vocabulary Around Winning and Losing

Children often struggle to articulate what losing feels like. They might say “It’s not fair!” when what they mean is “I feel humiliated,” or “I’m afraid I’m not good enough.” Helping them name these feelings turns them from overwhelming forces into experiences they can manage. Say things like:

• “Sometimes losing makes us feel like we’re not as smart or strong as others—but that’s not true.”
• “It’s okay to feel angry after losing. What else are you feeling?”

Emotionally literate kids are more likely to bounce back from failure and less likely to direct frustration outward toward others. In fact, this article on coping with aggression after losing explores how emotional awareness is a vital first step in handling defeat.

Telling Stories That Frame Losing as Growth

Sometimes it’s not a lecture that sticks—it’s a story. Kids relate to characters who stumble, struggle, and still come out stronger. Using storytelling to normalize loss helps children reframe their own setbacks. Whether it’s a sports hero who missed the winning shot or a fictional character learning from failure, narratives give kids a safe lens through which to view disappointment as a future opportunity.

One helpful resource for this is the LISN Kids App, which offers engaging, age-appropriate audio stories designed to support children through life’s ups and downs. Accessible on iOS and Android, the app features characters who navigate failure, frustration, and growth in thoughtful, entertaining ways—perfect for quiet moments at bedtime or the car ride home.

Practice Losing Together—Intentionally

Family game night can be more than just fun—it can be a practice ground for losing gracefully. But it’s not enough to play the game; how you handle its outcome matters deeply. Comment on your emotions aloud: “Oh wow, I really wanted to win, too. I'm a little disappointed, but I had fun playing with you.” Modeling your own reactions can teach your child how to manage theirs.

Games are also a great chance to pause and support your child in the moment of defeat. You might suggest a deep breath, offer a quick high-five, or provide space with a gentle “Let’s take five minutes and come back.” If you're wondering how to add more intention to game night, this guide to family game time offers practical ways to build emotional resilience together.

Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome

Children need reminders that effort matters more than results. Praise things like persistence, strategy, or teamwork, even when they don’t win. Say, “I loved how you didn’t give up when it got hard,” or “You showed a lot of patience—did you feel that, too?”

Parents sometimes believe that in order to boost confidence, we have to shield our children from disappointment. But avoidance teaches fragility. By embracing challenges and losses, and celebrating the progress within them, we help kids develop confidence that is resilient—not dependent on always being the best.

If your child struggles deeply with losing, you may find real help in this article that outlines what to do when a child takes losses especially hard.

Raising a Child Who Can Lose—and Still Smile

It’s not easy to watch your child melt down over a game or get discouraged after a poor grade. But those moments are also where some of the richest learning happens. Your support, presence, and willingness to journey through the discomfort with them lay the foundation for long-term emotional strength.

Remember, growth doesn’t happen in the winning. It happens in the trying again. And it’s in these small, supported losses that children begin to see failure not as a threat, but as a natural part of learning.

For more strategies on nurturing that mindset, explore this article on helping your child lose with grace and building joy into the process.