Why Your 10-Year-Old Struggles with Confidence and Anxiety — And How to Support Them

Understanding the Roots of Your Child’s Worries

It’s deeply painful to see your child—especially at just 10 years old—struggle with low self-confidence and frequent anxiety. You want to do everything to ease their worries, to see them smile and believe in themselves. But when reassurance isn't enough and the anxiety persists, especially around school, friendships, or simply being "good enough," you might start wondering what’s really going on.

At this age, children begin to compare themselves more seriously to their peers. They are becoming more aware of how others see them. Add to that the growing academic pressure, more complex social dynamics, and the desire to please adults—and suddenly, it makes sense why many kids begin to doubt themselves. Still, understanding the "why" is only the beginning. The question becomes: how can we truly support them?

Why Confidence Wavers Around Age 10

Confidence doesn’t disappear randomly. For many 10-year-olds, self-doubt starts to creep in because they are developing a more critical eye. They notice when their spelling isn’t perfect, when their classmates solve math problems faster, or when someone laughs at their answer in class. Every setback can feel like evidence that they’re not as capable as others.

If your child is also struggling with a specific learning difficulty or [performance anxiety at school](https://lisn-kids.ghost.io/how-to-support-your-child-through-performance-anxiety-at-school), the pressure can double. The fear of making mistakes becomes paralyzing. Over time, this can shake their belief in their abilities—not just at school, but in life.

When Anxiety Becomes Their Default Emotion

Anxiety doesn’t always scream. Sometimes it whispers through excuses to avoid homework, tears before school, or perfectionism that leaves them exhausted. Children may not have the vocabulary to express what they feel, but their bodies and behaviors speak clearly. An upset stomach before a math test isn't just about food—it’s anxiety in disguise.

What’s important to understand is that children who are often anxious are not being ‘dramatic.’ Their nervous systems are on high alert. Their brains perceive minor daily challenges—like reading aloud or trying something new—as threats. When their nervous system doesn’t feel safe, anxiety can take over, again and again.

How to Create Safe, Confidence-Building Moments

You don’t need to “fix” your child. The goal is to help them feel safe, seen, and supported as they navigate growing pressures. Here are a few meaningful ways to do just that:

• Hold space for emotions without rushing. When your child panics over getting something wrong, let them feel. Say things like, “It’s okay to feel nervous when something matters to you.” This normalizes the experience rather than dismissing it.
• Celebrate effort—not outcome. Shifting the focus away from “Did I get it right?” to “Did I try my best?” gradually strengthens self-worth, regardless of results.
• Build tiny wins. Accomplishing small, manageable goals helps children experience success, which becomes a stepping stone for bigger challenges. It’s about creating momentum, not miracles.

For children who struggle to fall asleep due to anxiety, your evenings might also be full of resistance and worry. In that case, consider reading this guide to helping anxious children sleep better. Bedtime can be a powerful opportunity to reinforce connection, safety, and calmness.

The Role of Stories, Safe Listening, and Emotional Distance

Sometimes, kids need a little space from their own emotions before they can talk about them. This is where stories become naturally therapeutic. Hearing about another character going through similar struggles helps children process their feelings—without the spotlight being pointed directly at them.

Apps like LISN Kids offer original audiobook series designed to support children emotionally and cognitively, through adventure or self-reflective storytelling. With content made specifically for kids aged 3–12, it’s a gentle way to introduce topics like fear, courage, or resilience without pressure. Available on iOS and Android, it can also be a helpful part of your child’s transition to bedtime or quiet time during the day.

Listening Beneath the Words

It’s easy, and natural, to want to reassure your child quickly—“Don’t be scared,” “You’re smart, you can do it!” But what they need most isn’t a solution—it’s your presence.

Sometimes, the most powerful support is simply listening. Ask open-ended questions like:

• “What was the hardest part of your day?”
• “When did you feel most proud of yourself today?”
• “What do you wish grown-ups understood about how it feels?”

You might not get deep answers every time. That’s okay. You’re planting seeds of trust. Over time, they’ll understand that their feelings are welcome—and that alone can boost their confidence.

When to Seek Additional Support

There’s no harm in seeking help. If anxiety starts to affect your child’s ability to engage with daily life—sleep, school, friendships—it might be time to explore conversations with a counselor, therapist, or school support team.

Meanwhile, you can read more on how to navigate moments of high anxiety in our article on what to say to calm a child having an anxiety attack, or understand more subtle patterns in our guide to recognizing social anxiety in children.

You’re Already Helping, Even When It Doesn’t Feel Like It

If you’ve read this far, one thing is certain: you care deeply, and you're already doing the most important thing—being present.

Your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be consistent, accepting, and open. The road to confidence isn't a straight line—it’s more like a winding trail through a forest. But with you walking beside them, they won’t be lost.