What to Do When Your Child Refuses to Talk About Your Divorce

Understanding Their Silence

You’ve opened the door. Maybe gently, maybe a little desperately, hoping your child would walk through it — to talk, to share, to make sense of everything that's been shifting lately. But instead, you’re met with silence. Defensiveness. A change of subject. Your child simply won’t talk about the divorce.

This silence can be painful, especially when you’re trying so hard to support them. But here’s the truth: children often process separation in ways that are more complex than we expect — and more private. That doesn’t mean they aren’t feeling it. It just means they might not have found the words... yet.

Why Children Stay Quiet After a Divorce

Children aged 6 to 12 are in a unique developmental phase. They’re learning to navigate school, friendships, growing responsibilities — and now, on top of all that, they're trying to make sense of their family changing shape. When a divorce happens, it can shake the very foundation they’ve come to rely on for stability.

Some children go silent because they fear hurting you or their other parent. Others are overwhelmed and unsure how to articulate their feelings. They may:

• Worry they’ll make things worse by choosing sides
• Lack the vocabulary to talk about big emotions
• Suppress feelings to avoid sadness or anxiety
• Try to protect themselves from more disappointment

In any case, their reluctance to talk isn’t a rejection of you. It’s self-protection. And your steady, patient presence is still exactly what they need.

Let Connection Speak Louder Than Conversations

If verbal communication isn't happening right now, that's okay. Your child's healing doesn’t depend solely on heart-to-hearts. Often, your relationship continues to heal and grow through simply spending time together. Choose routines that build emotional safety without pressuring your child to “open up.”

Try these quiet forms of support:

• Go on routine walks together, even in silence
• Cook a favorite meal side by side
• Listen to gentle or imaginative stories together during wind-down time

Using tools like the iOS or Android LISN Kids App, for instance, can create shared moments that feel safe. The app offers audio stories inspired by children’s everyday emotions — from confusion to curiosity — designed to normalize what they may be going through without directly confronting it. Just press play, and let the storytelling build a bridge.

You Don’t Have to Fix Everything

One of the most emotionally challenging aspects for any parent during and after a divorce is the deep, aching desire to “make it better” for your child. When they shut you out, it’s tempting to try harder, push more, or even get frustrated. But your job isn’t to fix their emotions — it’s to show up anyway.

Instead of trying to resolve their silence, try simply showing them that you can handle it. That your love is steady. That they can return to you when they’re ready, later, next week, or even years from now.

Consider reading this article on staying emotionally connected — especially for parents navigating co-parenting from separate homes or cities. Bonding doesn’t require constant conversation, but it does require intention.

Creating a Safe Emotional Environment

If your child won't talk about the divorce, it could be because they don't feel safe to — not emotionally, not yet. Emotional safety is more than avoiding arguments or keeping calm. It means being mindful of what you say about the other parent; it’s choosing not to vent your frustrations in earshot; it’s letting them love both parents freely without guilt.

Creating a nurturing environment — even during moments of silence — helps children feel less alone with their emotions. Explore how to turn your home into a steady emotional base in this guide to soothing spaces.

When Questions Emerge… Be Ready With Compassion

Children often ask about divorce long after it happens — sometimes months or even years later. One day in the car, right before bed, or on the way to school, they may suddenly ask, “Why did you get divorced?” or “Was it my fault?”

In those delicate moments, clarity matters. So does gentleness. How you respond can make all the difference. For strategies that support you in answering tough questions while affirming their emotional world, visit this compassionate communication guide.

A Long Arc of Healing

Healing after a divorce isn't always a straight line. For your child — as for you — it may come in layers. Don’t measure progress by whether they talk. Instead, watch for small signs of resilience: a curious question, a belly laugh, a request to do something together.

And remember — you don’t have to walk this path perfectly. Just honestly and lovingly. If you're dealing with guilt, that’s normal, too. You might find comfort in this perspective on managing parental guilt during divorce.

In time, most children find their voice. And when they’re finally ready to share, they’ll remember that you waited with kindness.