What to Do When Your Child Doesn't Want to Talk About Their Feelings

When Silence Speaks Volumes

You're folding laundry after a long day. You gently ask your child how school went. They shrug, mumble "fine," and retreat to their room. You sense that something's not quite right—maybe it's the way they slammed the door or pushed their dinner aside—but when you try again later, the response is the same: indifference, or worse, irritation.

For many parents of 6–12-year-olds, these moments aren’t rare. It can feel like you’re being shut out just when you most want to help. It's especially frustrating when your child seems stressed, has difficulty with homework, or shows signs of anxiety but refuses to open up emotionally. You don’t need to be a therapist to help—you just need patience, gentle strategies, and a long-term perspective.

Understanding the Why Behind the Wall

When a child doesn't want to talk about their feelings, it’s rarely because they don’t have any. More often, they’re overwhelmed, confused, or just unsure of how to express what they’re experiencing. For children in this age range, emotional vocabulary is still developing, and talking about personal feelings may feel just as vulnerable as showing them.

Some common reasons why children shut down emotionally:

• Fear of judgment or punishment: If they think they’ll disappoint you or get in trouble, silence can feel safer.
• Not knowing what they’re feeling: Emotions like frustration, sadness, or shame can feel murky and hard to name.
• Timing: Pressuring them to talk right after school or when they're upset may backfire.

It helps to develop emotional literacy from a young age, but even if you’re starting later, you’re not behind. Everything you do to create a safe, open emotional environment matters.

Creating a Safe Emotional Space

Instead of asking “What’s wrong?” (which can feel invasive), try a neutral, open-ended approach like, “I noticed you seemed quiet when you got home—want to talk about how the day felt for you?” The goal isn’t to pull information out, but to gently invite connection.

Timing matters. Look for calm, unpressured moments—during a drive, while baking cookies together, or right before bed. Many children open up when the focus isn’t squarely on them. If your child brushes you off, it’s okay. Let them know you’re always available. Then prove it—by being present without pushing.

Sometimes, other creative tools can help pave the way. Storytime, for instance, offers a gentle way to explore emotional themes without making it personal. Children's audiobooks can be especially powerful in this regard. Apps like LISN Kids offer a wide range of original audio stories designed to help kids make sense of big feelings. One parent described how stories from LISN Kids sparked unexpected bedtime conversations after their child related to a character’s struggles. The app is available on both iOS and Android, and its thoughtful design invites more than just entertainment—it invites emotional discovery.

Consistency Over Intensity

If you’ve tried opening the door and your child still retreats behind their wall, don’t take it personally. Think of emotional openness like watering a plant—it thrives on small, regular acts of care, not occasional floods of concern.

Keep showing up. Keep noticing the small things. Maybe it’s a scribble from school, a forgotten lunchbox, or a video they keep watching. Use gentle curiosity: “Is that drawing something that happened today?” or “What do you like about that character?” These subtler pathways can be less intimidating than direct emotional questions.

Over time, the message becomes clear: their feelings are welcome here—even the messy ones. You can read more about gentle ways to talk about emotions with younger children here, and many of the same principles apply to older kids as well.

When Emotions Come Out Sideways

Sometimes, kids don’t use words. They use actions—and those actions don’t always look pretty. Maybe your child becomes irritable about homework, lashes out over small frustrations, or seems emotionally distant. These signs often point to an emotional build-up they can’t quite express.

Rather than reprimanding the behavior immediately, try stepping back and naming what might be going on underneath: “I wonder if you’re feeling disappointed that math was hard today?” or “It seems like you might be feeling upset but don’t want to talk—want me to sit with you anyway?”

To better understand this dynamic, check out this helpful guide on emotional outbursts and frustration in children. Recognizing the emotion beneath the behavior can shift the tone of the entire interaction.

You're Not Alone

The silent child, the closed bedroom door, the quiet "I'm fine"—they’re all part of parenting in this stage. Wanting your child to open up is a beautiful instinct rooted in love, and even when it feels like you're not getting through, your efforts are never wasted. You've planted seeds of safety, trust, and patience. With time, they grow.

And more than anything, remind yourself: your child doesn't need to be perfect at communicating feelings. They need to know there’s someone who won't disappear when things get hard. That someone is you.

If you're looking for more emotional tools to use during quiet time, you might also explore ideas like calming routines or sensory approaches—even though they may seem designed for younger children, elements of these can be surprisingly effective for older kids too.