The Biggest Mistakes to Avoid When Setting Goals for Your Child
Why Goal-Setting Can Be Tricky For Kids—and Parents
As a parent, you're doing your best. Between school chaos, after-school meltdowns, forgotten homework sheets, and the infamous "I can’t do it!" moments, you’ve probably thought, “How do I help my child succeed without pushing too hard?”
One common strategy parents turn to is goal-setting. And when approached with care, this can be a powerful tool to build motivation, resilience, and self-esteem. But here’s the thing: setting goals with kids isn’t just a smaller version of adult goal-planning. Children between 6 and 12 are still learning how to manage time, regulate emotions, and understand long-term motivation.
So what happens when we set goals the wrong way? Frustration. Resistance. Feelings of failure. That’s why today, we’re going to focus not on how to set goals (that’s covered in posts like how to help your child visualize a goal)—we’re going to look at the common mistakes you want to avoid.
Mistake #1: Choosing Goals for Them, Not With Them
It’s tempting to decide what your child “should” work on: read more books, stop procrastinating on spelling, spend less time on Minecraft. But goals imposed from the top-down often feel like punishments or impossible tasks.
Instead, shift into shared decision-making mode. Ask questions like: “What’s something that feels hard right now—but you’d like to improve?” or “What’s something you wish you could do more easily?” That opens up space for them to share honestly—and for you to build goals collaboratively.
Mistake #2: Focusing Only on Results, Not the Process
“Get A’s in school.” “Win your soccer game.” “Read 20 books this summer.” These are all result-oriented goals—and while it’s natural to think in outcomes, kids benefit so much more from process-oriented focus.
Try reframing outcomes into actions: “Practice reading for 10 minutes a day,” or “Use a checklist to pack your bag every night.” When kids learn to focus on what they can control, they feel less anxiety and more agency.
And don’t forget to celebrate their efforts along the way—not just the end result. That encouragement builds long-term motivation.
Mistake #3: Setting Goals That Are Too Big—or Too Vague
“Be more responsible.” What does that actually mean to a child? Vague goals confuse them. On the flip side, saying “Never forget your homework again” makes success feel impossible.
Break goals into small, doable steps. For example, instead of “Be more responsible,” try “Feed the cat every morning without reminders.” These tiny targets help kids feel capable—and success becomes a series of wins.
Want to learn more about creating micro-goals that actually build responsibility? This simple goal guide for parents dives deeper.
Mistake #4: Forgetting That Motivation Looks Different for Kids
Adults are motivated by long-term rewards—grades, promotions, finishing a project. For kids, especially under 10, that kind of delayed gratification is tricky. They live in the now. If the goal doesn’t feel fun, engaging, or connected to their world, it quickly becomes a chore.
That’s why some parents have had success turning goal-setting into a playful experience. Using visuals, themes, or even character-based goal charts makes the process more relatable. Take a peek at this post on making goal-setting into a game for inspiration.
Another way to stoke natural motivation is through enrichment activities that spark curiosity and focus—like storytelling, audio books, and creative narratives. For example, the LISN Kids app on iOS and Android offers original audio series for children aged 3 to 12. These stories are crafted to ignite imagination and help kids build mental focus—without screens.
Mistake #5: Not Following Up With Encouragement—or Adjustments
Even the best goal plan can fall apart. Life happens. Kids get distracted, or overwhelmed, or simply lose interest. That doesn’t mean something went wrong—it just means you and your child need to revisit the goal together.
Did they forget to make progress because the reminders stopped? Was the goal too hard or not meaningful to them anymore? Are they feeling pressure to be perfect? Every setback is a chance to teach flexibility, self-compassion, and problem-solving.
When parents approach setbacks with encouragement instead of frustration, kids learn that goals aren’t about being perfect—they’re about growing over time.
Create a Supportive Environment for Success
Goal-setting with your child doesn’t need to feel like a battle. When expectations are clear, goals are co-created, and effort is valued over perfection, kids thrive with less stress—and more confidence.
If you’re looking for a family-based approach, consider setting family goals together. Sometimes the most powerful goals aren’t individual—they’re shared.
Above all, remember: progress matters more than performance. Keep showing up. Keep listening. And keep adjusting. Your child’s confidence will grow one small success at a time.