Struggling to Follow Instructions: Does Your Child Need Clarity or Accommodations?

When Understanding Isn't the Problem

You’ve repeated the instructions three times. Your child nods, maybe even repeats them back to you. And yet, fifteen minutes later, they’re off task, flustered, or doing something entirely different. Sound familiar?

If your child aged 6 to 12 struggles to follow instructions—at home, with homework, or at school—you’re not alone. Many parents find themselves walking the fine line between offering support and wondering if something deeper is going on. Is it just a matter of making things clearer, or does your child actually need accommodations or different approaches to learning?

The Many Layers Behind "Not Following Instructions"

Not following instructions isn’t always a sign of defiance or carelessness. In fact, in most cases, it's not that at all. It's simply a clue—one that something in the chain of understanding, remembering, or executing has gone wrong. For example:

• Processing speed vs. listening speed: Some kids need a little more time to process what’s being said, and when instructions come rapidly or in multiple steps, they get lost.
• Working memory overload: Holding more than one or two instructions in mind can be tough, especially for children with ADHD or executive functioning differences.
• Sensory distractions: In some environments, background noise, movement, or visual clutter can completely derail focus.
• Emotional state: If your child is anxious, tired, or drained after a long school day, even basic instructions may not land the way you intend.

If you’ve wondered whether your child’s difficulty with instructions might be about more than just attention or behavior, this article on unusual school behaviors may offer some clarity.

Clarity First: When Simpler Is Better

Before assuming your child needs formal accommodations, evaluate how instructions are being delivered. Often, small communication shifts make a big difference.

Try this:

• Break tasks into single steps: Instead of “Clean your room,” try “Pick up your clothes and put them in the hamper.” Then give the next step once that’s done.
• Use visual cues: A checklist or visual schedule can make abstract tasks more concrete and easier to track independently.
• Let them parrot it back: Ask your child to tell you what they’re going to do next—it helps lock in the sequence in their mind.
• Reduce background noise: When giving instructions, turn off the TV, lower distractions, and make eye contact if possible.

These steps aren’t magic, but for many kids, they help remove friction from everyday tasks. And a child who succeeds even in small things starts to build the belief that they can follow through.

When Clarity Isn't Enough

If you’ve tried simplifying, chunking tasks, and using visual aids—and your child is still losing the thread—then it might be time to consider accommodations.

Accommodations are not about giving your child a free pass. They’re about recognizing that “equal” doesn’t always mean “same.” For a child with learning differences or neurodivergence, flexibility can be the very thing that levels the playing field.

Common accommodations that help with instruction-following include:

• Allowing extra time to process and complete tasks
• Providing written instructions along with verbal ones
• Having a checklist or step-by-step guide, especially for multi-part tasks
• Creating a quiet workstation with fewer distractions

If you think your child might benefit from this type of support but aren’t sure how to advocate for it at school, this guide on supporting kids who don’t fit the mold offers a compassionate starting point.

A Montessori-Style Reframe: Follow the Child

In Montessori and other progressive pedagogies, there's a concept of "following the child": noticing their patterns, interests, and needs, and meeting them where they are rather than insisting they mold themselves to an adult framework.

What might this look like in your home?

• Allowing your child to complete tasks in their own sequence
• Embracing their natural pace—slow in the morning might be their rhythm, not a flaw (learn more about natural rhythms here)
• Letting them choose the format—audio instead of text, movement-based learning instead of sitting still

Parenting from this mindset shifts our goal from compliance to connection. It also makes space for the idea that “not following instructions” might reflect the environment’s lack of fit, rather than a deficit in the child.

Bringing Support Into Everyday Life

One subtle but effective way to support kids—especially those who struggle with written or sequential instructions—is through audio stories. Listening builds comprehension skills, focus, and narrative sequencing, all of which are helpful for following instructions and routines.

The LISN Kids app offers original audiobooks and immersive series for kids aged 3 to 12. It can be a calming tool during transitions or an engaging alternative to screen-time that supports listening and attention. You can try it on iOS or Android.

Final Reflections: Rethinking “Listening”

Sometimes, children aren't ignoring us—they're overwhelmed. Or tired. Or working through a different developmental timeline. In those moments, the best gift we can offer isn’t another reminder—it’s curiosity.

What helps your child stay grounded? What makes something “stick” in their mind? What might they be telling you—not in their words, but in their behavior?

You might find some resonance in this compassionate guide to daily parenting. Every child has their own internal logic—and unlocking it often starts with stepping back, slowing down, and seeing their challenges as signals, not flaws.