My Child Struggles to Fall Asleep: What Can I Try?

Understanding Your Child's Sleepless Nights

If bedtime has become an emotional battleground in your home, you're far from alone. Many parents of children aged 6 to 12 quietly navigate long evenings filled with frustration, pleading, and tears—not because their child is misbehaving, but because sleep just won’t come easily. For some, it's a mind that won't quiet down. For others, it’s fear of the dark, separation anxiety, or simply a second wind that kicks in just as it’s time to wind down. Whatever the reason, when your child can’t fall asleep, no one in the house rests well.

Sleep difficulties during the school years are often tied to other under-the-surface issues: academic stress, overexcitement before bed, or irregular routines. Rather than focusing on “fixing” sleep, it can help to gently explore what your child’s body and mind might need at the end of the day.

Start with Connection, Not Control

It’s tempting to look at sleep as a checklist: bath, pajamas, teeth, lights out. But for many kids, what they truly need before falling asleep isn’t just routine—it’s connection. After navigating a long day at school, possibly filled with emotional ups and downs, children often crave security and closeness before their minds can rest.

Setting aside even just 10 minutes before the bedtime routine to connect with your child can make a quiet but powerful difference. Talk—really talk. Ask what made them laugh today. What worried them. What they’re excited about tomorrow. This small window doesn’t need to be dramatic. It just needs to be yours and theirs.

Quieting the Mind: Transitioning from Day to Night

Many children struggle to wind down simply because there hasn’t been a clear transition between a stimulating day and the expectation to fall asleep. It’s like asking a car going 80 mph to suddenly halt. Helping your child shift gears can be a more effective approach than insisting on sleep at a set time.

Consider implementing a buffer time before lights out—gentle, screen-free activities that help calm the nervous system. Some families set a “quiet zone” for 30 to 60 minutes before sleep, and this can include things like:

• Reading or listening to calm audiobooks
• Drawing or coloring quietly
• Stretching or yoga for kids
• Puzzles and tactile games

If you’re unsure what kinds of peaceful things to suggest, our article on simple activities to help your child unwind offers some soothing starting points.

The Role of Routine (and Why Flexibility Matters)

A consistent evening routine does matter—but not because it magically causes sleep. The true value lies in the message it sends: “You’re safe. The day is done. It’s time to rest now.”

Still, even the best intentions around structure can backfire if every night feels rigid. Children are highly sensitive to pressure around sleep, and thinking they’re “failing” at it only compounds the issue. For restless or anxious kids, the routine should act as gentle scaffolding, not a strict script.

If you need ideas on how to build a wind-down schedule that calms rather than forces, take a look at this gentle guide to creating a soothing evening routine.

The Power of Storytelling to Ease Into Sleep

There’s something deeply calming about being read to, especially when the stories are rich in imagination but free of overstimulation. If your evenings involve haggling over screens or struggling to keep your child interested in a book, an audio story may provide the perfect middle ground.

Apps like LISN Kids offer a library of original audiobooks and audio series specially designed for children aged 3 to 12. These stories are engaging without being overwhelming—and many parents find that incorporating them into part of a bedtime routine helps children focus their thoughts and relax more easily.

Find LISN Kids on iOS or Android for an easy way to bring storytelling into your child’s restful moments.

When the Energy Just Won’t Quit

Some children are truly wired to be more alert in the evenings. For them, the answer may not be about “sleep training,” but about regulating their body rhythms gradually. You might notice they start getting silly, hyper, or emotionally fragile after 7 p.m. This is often a sign of nervous system overload.

Helping children calm down starts much earlier than bedtime. In fact, this article on preventing evening meltdowns explores how to soften the intensity of the after-school hours. You can also look at ways to help your child self-regulate, such as those covered in how to help an overexcited child calm down.

Final Thoughts: Compassion Comes First

No bedtime solution works every time—and expecting it to will only leave you feeling frustrated and your child feeling inadequate. When your child struggles to fall asleep, it’s easy to spiral into self-doubt as a parent. But most often, this struggle has nothing to do with something you’re failing to provide, and everything to do with your child’s unique wiring.

So when you find yourself exhaling at 9 p.m., still rubbing a small back or answering the fifth question about monsters under the bed, here’s a quiet reminder: your presence means more than perfection. Your patience—even through yawns—helps your child feel safe. And over time, that sense of safety is what builds better nights.

If you're also facing screen-related challenges around your child's sleep, you might find helpful tips in this article about screen-free family connection.