My Child Is Afraid to Go to School: How to Understand and Reassure Them

When fear of school becomes part of your morning routine

You're trying to get everyone out the door. Breakfast dishes still on the table, school bags barely zipped, and suddenly—tears. "I don’t want to go to school." It’s not the first time. And your heart aches because, behind the protest, you can see something deeper: fear.

If your child between the ages of 6 and 12 expresses fear—whether through tears, anger, headaches, or stomachaches—when it’s time for school, you’re not alone. School avoidance is more common than you might think, especially when kids are dealing with anxiety, learning difficulties, or social pressure. Understanding what’s happening beneath the surface is the first step to helping them feel safe again.

What school fear can look like—and why it matters

Not all children express fear the same way. Some cry or cling at drop-off. Others complain of physical symptoms like headaches or stomach pain. Some just shut down, growing quiet and withdrawn in the mornings. These are rarely just "bad moods"—they're signals.

Children at this age have growing cognitive and emotional awareness. They're starting to notice how they’re doing compared to others, navigating friendships with new complexity, and dealing with academic pressure. If they’re struggling—whether with reading, friendships, or simply trying to sit still—it can feel overwhelming.

Recognizing the signs of school-related anxiety helps you respond with empathy instead of dismissal. If your child is scared, they need your support—not pressure to "toughen up." Fear isn't a flaw. It’s a signal. And when we listen to it, we can gently help our children find their footing again.

Start with safety, not solutions

When your child resists going to school, it’s tempting to launch into problem-solving: What happened? Who was mean to you? Did you forget your homework? But for kids caught in fear, the most important first step isn’t fixing—it’s co-regulating.

Breathe with your child. Get on their level. Acknowledge their emotions, even if you don’t understand them fully. Try phrases like:

• "It sounds like something feels really hard right now."
• "You’re safe here with me. We’ll figure this out together."

When kids feel emotionally held, their nervous systems settle. Only then can they begin to talk about what’s really going on.

Understand the source of the fear

Once your child is calm enough to talk—or even draw or play—you can begin to uncover the “why.” Some common causes of school-related fear include:

• Academic difficulties: Literacy struggles, trouble focusing, or feeling behind can create quiet panic.
• Peer conflict: Social exclusion or bullying, even subtle, can make school feel unsafe.
• Separation anxiety: Especially in younger children, being apart from a caregiver can still be a big hurdle.
• Overstimulation or sensory overload: Busy classrooms and noisy environments can be exhausting to sensitive children.

In some cases, children can’t articulate the root of their fear—and that’s okay. You can still respond by creating a sense of safety, slowing the pace, and gently exploring potential stressors with their teachers or school counselor.

Rituals of reassurance and comfort

Fear thrives in unpredictability. Small, consistent rituals can offer grounding. Consider:

• A morning connection ritual: A shared cup of tea, a two-minute dance party, or drawing together before leaving can center your child emotionally before the busy day.
• Transitional objects: A note in a lunchbox, a shared bracelet, or a tiny object from home in their pocket can serve as comfort throughout the school day.
• Evening routines that support emotional regulation: Gentle wind-down time, like those in this article on bedtime activities, can help reduce nighttime anxiety about the next day.

Home as a refuge, not a battleground

When school becomes a stressor, home needs to become the emotional safe haven. Try creating calm spaces where your child can regulate after a long day. This could be a cozy reading corner, their own playlist, or simply time alone to decompress. Find more ideas in this guide to creating a calming space at home.

Pay attention, too, to screen time. While digital devices may offer distraction, they can also heighten anxiety and emotional dysregulation, as discussed in this article about screens and emotions. Rebalancing with intentional, quiet moments—like a shared audio story—can nourish connection and calm.

Stories as bridges to emotions

Children often make sense of their world through story. That’s why audiobooks and imaginative listening experiences can be such powerful tools for anxious kids. The iOS and Android versions of the LISN Kids app offer original audio tales that invite children world-building, empathy, and emotional reflection—all without screens. Whether listened to during quiet time, in the car, or at bedtime, stories can validate emotions and help kids process their experiences in subtle, indirect ways.

When to seek extra support

If your child’s fear of school begins to persist over several weeks, affects their sleep or eating, or prevents them from attending school altogether, it may be time to reach out to a pediatrician, school psychologist, or therapist trained in childhood anxiety. Sometimes just a few sessions can make a tremendous difference in helping a child feel resourced and supported.

Meanwhile, resources like nonviolent communication practices can help your child express difficult emotions with more clarity, reducing the sense of overwhelm and fostering a stronger connection with you as their parent.

A journey, not a quick fix

Helping a child navigate fear of school isn’t always straightforward. There may be tears, resistance, and uncertain mornings ahead. But your steady presence, gentle curiosity, and willingness to listen will make all the difference.

This chapter in your child’s journey isn’t a detour—it’s part of their emotional map. And with time, connection, and the right tools, they can learn to face their fears—not alone, but with you right beside them.