How to Support Your Child If They're Struggling to Fit In at School

When your child doesn't feel like they belong

It’s one of the hardest things as a parent—to see your child come home from school with slumped shoulders, quiet sighs, or avoidance when you ask, “How was your day?” If your child is struggling to fit in socially at school, it can feel like you're carrying part of that emotional weight with them. For children between 6 and 12, school isn't just about learning multiplication or reading chapters. It's also where friendships form, identities take shape, and a sense of belonging is either nurtured or quietly missed.

You might be wondering: Should I step in? Should I back off? Are they just shy, or is something deeper at play? These questions are common—and they deserve thoughtful, measured responses.

First, observe and listen—without judgment

The best place to start is with curiosity and gentle observation. Has your child mentioned being left out at recess? Are they regularly spending time alone? Or maybe they're being invited to birthday parties less often than before. Pay close attention to how they talk about their school day.

Rather than rushing in with solutions, try asking open-ended questions like:

• "What was the best part of your day? The hardest part?"
• "Who did you spend time with today?"
• "Is there someone at school you’d like to get to know better?"

Let their answers guide you. Children often open up more when they feel that parents are present and accepting, not necessarily looking to "fix" things right away.

Understanding the “why” behind social struggles

There are many reasons a child might have trouble fitting in. It could be something internal, like shyness or anxiety. (You can learn more about how to gently support a shy child here.) Or it might be related to external factors—perhaps a recent move disrupted their social circle, or there’s a mismatch between their personality and the classroom dynamic.

Sometimes, children are still developing the social skills needed to initiate friendships, read group dynamics, or navigate conflict. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong—it just means they need time, support, and sometimes a little help knowing where to begin.

Creating opportunities for connection outside the classroom

Building friendships at school is important, but class time and recess can be limited in terms of free social interaction. Look for activities where your child can meet peers in smaller, less-pressured settings. Sports teams, local art classes, or library book clubs can be great ways for kids to connect over shared interests. You can also explore ideas in our guide on building social bonds in children.

Some parents find that setting up one-on-one playdates or casual get-togethers helps their child build confidence in forming deeper friendships. Keep it simple—inviting a classmate to the park or a movie at home can create room for natural bonding without the overwhelm of larger group settings.

Support their emotional resilience

Not every interaction will go smoothly for your child, and that’s okay. Helping them develop emotional resilience is key. Encourage them to express how they feel without trying to talk them out of it. Validate their frustrations, disappointments, or loneliness, and remind them that these feelings are part of learning how relationships work.

You can also help them name what they're experiencing: "It sounds like you felt left out today. That hurts, doesn’t it?" Simple naming can give kids clarity and help them feel less alone.

Use stories and media to normalize social challenges

Stories are a powerful way for kids to process emotions and social situations. Hearing about characters overcoming loneliness, making new friends, or finding courage to speak up can be incredibly affirming. That’s where something like the LISN Kids App on iOS and Android can be helpful. It offers original audiobooks and episodes designed for ages 3–12, creating thoughtful entry points for discussions about friendship, emotions, and empathy.

Listening to these stories together on a quiet evening can invite important reflections—without turning it into a lecture.

When your child needs more support

If despite your efforts, your child continued to show signs of stress, anxiety, or withdrawal, it may be time to speak with their teacher, a school counselor, or a child psychologist. You’re not alone in this, and neither is your child.

We've also covered how to help kids make friends and why social connection matters so deeply. Sometimes, knowing the science and stories behind peer dynamics can equip you with just the right perspective to move forward.

Final thoughts

Fitting in isn’t about popularity or being liked by everyone. It’s about having a few good connections, feeling seen, and knowing you belong. As a parent, your calm presence, patient support, and quiet confidence can do more than you realize. You’re their safe home base in a world that, at times, feels uncertain.

And remember: belonging isn’t just built in classrooms—it’s built over time, one meaningful connection at a time.