How to Ease Separation Anxiety in Children After Divorce

Understanding the Roots of Separation Anxiety

When divorce enters a child’s world, even the most familiar routines take on new meaning. Suddenly, saying goodbye—whether it’s for the school day, at a custody exchange, or just before bedtime—can be a source of real stress. If your child is between 6 and 12, they may not have the language to fully explain what’s going on inside, but you can often hear it in their questions: “When will I see you again?” or “Are you coming back tonight?” Separation anxiety, in these moments, is more than just missing a parent. It’s about uncertainty, fear of change, and a longing for emotional safety.

Knowing this doesn’t make it easier when your child clings to you at drop-off or wakes up at night calling your name. But it can reshape how you respond. Understanding that their anxiety is rooted in a loss of predictability can help you meet them not with frustration, but with compassion and consistency.

Consistency as a Safety Net

After divorce, even small disruptions feel bigger to kids. Consistent routines—both daily and weekly—can serve as a comfortingly predictable rhythm. Wake-up times, after-school rituals, bedtime stories, and even the way you say goodbye all matter. If your child knows what comes next, their brain and body can relax just a bit more.

When co-parenting, shared custody schedules can unintentionally increase this anxiety if transitions feel hurried or unclear. Preparing your child gently for these transitions is key. You might find support in our guide on gentle strategies for shared custody transitions.

Creating Your ‘Goodbye Ritual’

A goodbye ritual might sound like a small thing, but it can become a powerful emotional anchor during separation moments. This could be as simple as a special hug, a silly handshake, or a short saying like, “See you after school, peanut butter!” The goal isn’t to mask the separation, but to create familiarity in it. Over time, this cue tells your child, “You’re safe and I’ll return.”

Some families also create a ‘comfort object’—a small token like a photo, a note in the lunchbox, or even a shared audio story that the child can return to when feeling upset. Emotional connection doesn’t stop at the door—it just changes form.

Helping Children Name What They Feel

Kids often act out separation anxiety before they can articulate it. You might see stomachaches before school, tears at bedtime, or even irritability after returning from the other parent's house. Instead of jumping to fix or offer solutions, start by helping them name what they’re feeling. Saying things like, “It seems like you’re feeling worried about being apart tomorrow,” creates a bridge. You’re helping them find language for inner experiences—which, in itself, reduces anxiety.

You could even use storytelling or audio stories that mirror family experiences. Narratives can give children a safe window to process emotions. The LISN Kids App, available on iOS and Android, offers original audiobooks and series designed for kids aged 3–12, often centered on relatable emotions like change, courage, and family bonds. Listening together at bedtime might even become a new comforting tradition.

Building Emotional Resilience Over Time

Resilience isn’t taught overnight—it’s built in layers. One helpful layer is giving children a sense of control in their day. Let them decide what book to bring in the car, what music to play during drop-off, or how they want to say goodbye. Even better, involve them in creating the custody calendar or packing their overnight bag. These micro-choices offer a sense of agency within the upheaval.

Another layer? Showing them they can survive the feelings. When your child cries at separation, you're not failing. Offer empathy (“I see this is hard for you”) but also confidence (“And I know you’ll do okay at school today—I’ll see you right after.”) You're teaching them that emotions are real, but they pass; that love remains steady even when you’re not in the same room.

Caring for Yourself While You Care for Them

Your own stress can quietly echo into your child’s experience. It's okay if you feel anxious too—divorce is vulnerable and exhausting for everyone. Make space to process your own feelings when your child isn’t around. This might be journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or reading reflections, like this one on navigating the week without your child.

You might not always have the perfect words or ideal response. That’s okay. What matters more is that your child knows you're present, emotionally grounded, and trying. Sometimes they don’t need answers—they just need to know they’re not alone in the messy middle.

Small Steps, Big Safety

Reducing separation anxiety isn’t about erasing sadness or worry from your child’s world—it’s about giving them tools to move through those feelings with you as their guide. Whether that’s developing a consistent routine, creating a farewell ritual, or weaving in soothing resources like the playful tools we recommend, every act of love stacks onto the next.

Even in the most uncertain seasons, you are the steadying force. And that, more than anything, is what helps them feel safe, again and again.

To continue building that safe foundation, explore how to create a calming home environment after divorce or help your child rebuild confidence as they adjust. You're not alone in this—and neither is your child.