How to Create a Peaceful Bond Between Siblings After a Separation
Understanding Sibling Tension in Times of Change
Separation changes the landscape of a family, and if you’re reading this, chances are you’re feeling the weight of it. You’re not alone. One of the most overlooked effects of separation is how it disrupts not just the parent-child bond, but also the dynamics between siblings.
Children aged 6 to 12 are in a unique developmental stage where they are expanding their emotional vocabulary, but still depend on consistency and connection. When routines shift and homes divide, siblings absorb the stress in different ways. Some become clingy, others distant. Sibling squabbles might intensify, or one child might take on the role of the emotional caretaker while the other withdraws completely.
It's natural to worry when once-close children start fighting more or ignoring each other. But there is hope: with calm guidance and intentional choices, you can nurture their bond and help them rediscover the safety and comfort of siblinghood.
When One Home Becomes Two: Adapting Together
One of the first things that helps set a calmer tone between siblings is recognizing that this transition—two homes, two routines, two beds, two toothbrushes—feels just as disorienting to them as it does to you. Some kids may feel jealous about how the other sibling is treated at the other parent's house. Others might act out because they’re unsure how to process grief, confusion, or anger.
What helps during this period is not asking siblings to 'be nice' or 'look after each other,' but rather looking at each child’s emotional needs on their own. A child who feels emotionally full is far less likely to lash out at a brother or sister. In this sense, don’t be afraid to offer time apart—it's okay if each child needs space to recalibrate. Emotional security isn’t built by always being together, but by knowing it's okay not to be.
Parents often wonder if they should talk to their children openly about the separation. The answer isn’t black and white, but clarity and age-appropriate honesty can go a long way in preventing siblings from blaming each other or harboring silent resentment about who caused what.
Encouraging Connection Without Forcing It
Siblings don’t always show love in traditional ways. In times of stress, it might be less about kind words and more about shared routine. A sibling might comfort the other not by hugging, but by handing them a toy or inviting them to play a familiar game. Look for these nonverbal expressions and gently point them out: “It was kind of you to share your blanket with your sister earlier. That probably made her feel safe.”
Try creating small rituals that both siblings can rely on in both homes—even if it’s something as simple as a Friday night board game or listening to the same audiobook series together. Familiarity brings comfort, and building shared moments gives children a sense of belonging.
This is where tools like the iOS and Android version of LISN Kids come in handy. With a library of original audiobooks crafted for children aged 3 to 12, the app can serve as a calming bedtime ritual or even a shared moment between siblings during transitions.
Supporting Each Child’s Feelings Equally
Siblings process separation differently. While one may act tough and unbothered, and the other cries frequently, both require emotional validation. Resist the urge to label one child as “strong” and the other as “sensitive”—doing so often stirs quiet rivalry.
Instead, create moments where siblings can express what they’re feeling individually. You might explore ideas from this article on helping children express emotions after separation. When feelings aren’t pushed aside or compared, jealousy and resentment subside more naturally.
If tensions flair, try a neutral phrase like: “It seems you're both feeling a lot right now. Do you want a little space, or should we do something relaxing together?” This models emotional attunement without blame, inviting both children into co-regulation and decision-making.
Finding Calm in the Chaos
What helps siblings find peace isn’t perfection—it’s predictability. Try maintaining familiar evening rituals in both homes. Keep communication consistent. If your co-parent is open to it, share similar house rules, chore expectations, and bedtime routines across homes. This clarity reduces power struggles and provides a sense of grounding for both kids—something they’re likely to reflect in how they treat each other.
Sometimes, guilt about the separation can unintentionally turn into over-accommodation, like constantly intervening in sibling squabbles or allowing endless screen time to prevent fights. If this resonates, this reflection on guilt in divorced parenting might offer you new insight and reassurance.
Be Patient With the Process
Finally, give it time. Sibling relationships evolve—with or without separation. Arguments, competition, and boundary-testing are part of how kids build social and emotional intelligence. Your ongoing presence and emotional steadiness provide the quiet soil where empathy can start to re-grow—even if that growth happens slowly and unevenly.
As you continue supporting your children, remember this: harmony isn’t a constant. But it becomes more possible when each child feels seen, safe, and supported—not just as part of a sibling set, but as a whole person navigating a deeply personal transition.