How to Calm Down an Anxious Child Before Sleep

Understanding Nighttime Anxiety in Children

By the time bedtime rolls around, you’re likely running on fumes. You’ve packed lunches, handled school dramas, and reminded your child—once again—to put socks in the laundry. And just when you finally think it’s time for quiet, your child resists settling down. Maybe they’re worried about tomorrow’s math test. Or they’re wide-eyed, full of questions about what-if scenarios that lean toward the catastrophic. Sleep doesn’t come easily when the mind is racing, and for kids whose days are already full of academic stress and pressure, falling asleep can feel like one more hurdle.

Before diving into strategies, it’s important to understand that anxiety at bedtime is common—especially for children ages 6 to 12. This age range comes with growing self-awareness and greater cognitive abilities, which, while beautiful, also allow for more elaborate worries to take root. A child might fret about school performance, peer relationships, family dynamics, or even global issues. These worries don’t always appear during the day—they bubble up when everything gets quiet.

Creating a Safety Ritual

The most helpful bedtime routines are consistent, soothing, and grounded in predictability. Kids thrive when they know what to expect. An anxious child might not verbalize their need for structure, but it offers a profound sense of safety. So consider crafting a pre-sleep ritual that goes beyond PJ’s and teeth-brushing. Make it a moment to connect emotionally, not just get the checklist done.

Some families incorporate elements like:

• Spending 10 minutes drawing or journaling the day’s emotions
• A bedtime chat that always ends with a reassuring phrase (“You're safe, you're loved, and I'm proud of you.”)
• Turning down all screens an hour before bed and switching to soft lighting

These seemingly small gestures can act as anchors—a way to tell your child's nervous system, "You’re okay now. You can let go." Try not to rush through them. When a child feels unrushed, they feel seen. And when they feel seen, their body begins the gentle descent into restfulness.

The Role of Breath and Body

Many children don’t realize their bodies are holding onto stress until it’s pointed out—or until they’re in bed and can’t sleep. One effective way to help an anxious child is to guide them to reconnect with their body. This doesn’t mean leading a formal meditation. It can be as simple as lying next to them and doing a few calming breaths together.

An easy technique: invite them to place a hand on their belly and feel it rise and fall. Count to four on each inhale and exhale. Or try tightening and releasing each muscle group, starting at the toes and working your way up. Grown-ups might recognize these techniques from yoga or therapy, but for kids, it just feels like a game—and it works.

Letting Stories Do the Heavy Lifting

Sometimes, the best way into calm isn’t through direct conversation, but through story. Audiobooks provide structure, creativity, and a gentle detour from worry. They offer a way for children to slip into someone else’s world and leave their own anxieties behind—for a little while, at least. Many parents find that incorporating age-appropriate audio stories into the bedtime routine becomes a lifeline.

LISN Kids (available on Android) is one such resource. It features a curated library of original audio series and audiobooks for children aged 3 to 12. With calming tones, imaginative stories, and zero screen time, it can be a gentle cue for anxious kids that it’s time to transition into rest. Here's a glimpse:

Using audio stories as a nightly ritual doesn't just soothe—it creates positive association. Over time, merely hearing the intro music of a favorite story can become a signal to the brain: it’s safe to drift off now.

Validating Fears Without Amplifying Them

If your child tends to express anxious thoughts right before sleep—"What if I fail my test? What if I throw up at school? What if you don’t pick me up on time?"—your instinct might be to reassure them repeatedly. While reassurance can be comforting in the moment, it's also important to strike a balance. Instead of immediately rushing in with “Don’t worry,” consider saying, “That sounds like a really hard thought to hold. Want to tell me more about it?”

This models acceptance and helps your child feel that their emotions aren’t too much or too burdensome. You’re teaching them that being scared is okay—and that they can still fall asleep even while carrying a little worry. Helping your child build up this emotional muscle, gently and consistently, will do more for their long-term resilience than trying to erase every fear on the spot.

Letting Go of a Perfect Night

Perhaps the hardest part for parents is managing our own expectations. There will be nights when the routine works beautifully, and others when the tears flow no matter how many bedtime stories you read or how many times you breathe together. That’s okay.

Helping an anxious child learn to sleep more peacefully is a process, not a destination. What matters most is consistency, empathy, and your presence. A calm bedtime doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be safe. Know that even on the hard nights, your child is still benefiting from your care, your voice, and your effort. Keep going.