Helping Your Child Build a Healthy Relationship with Games When Losing Is Tough

Understanding the Struggle: Why Losing Hurts So Much

If your child tears up a board game after a loss or refuses to ever play again because they didn’t win, you’re not alone. Between ages 6 and 12, children start developing a sharper sense of competition—but not all of them are emotionally prepared to deal with the disappointment of losing.

For some kids, a simple loss at Monopoly feels like a personal failure. It’s not just about the game; it reflects something deeper in their developing identity and self-worth. They might worry that losing makes them less smart, less capable, or just ‘not good enough.’ This can turn lighthearted play into a high-stakes situation where the fear of defeat overshadows the fun.

As a parent, it's often frustrating and exhausting to navigate these moments, especially when you want playtime to be exactly that—fun. But helping your child build a healthier relationship with games isn’t about removing the challenge, or always letting them win. It’s about transforming the experience of losing from shameful into meaningful.

The Role of Connection and Emotional Safety

When a child feels seen and emotionally safe, they’re more likely to bounce back after disappointment. That safety doesn’t come from calming them down in the middle of a meltdown—it’s built in the quiet, daily moments where they feel supported, heard, and valued.

Before ever sitting down for another game, try creating small, low-pressure moments to talk about feelings around losing. Not when your child is upset, but when they’re calm and relaxed. Maybe you’re walking home from school or reading before bed. Ask gently: “How do you feel when you don’t win?” You might be surprised by their answer.

One gentle way to talk about failure is to share that even adults struggle with disappointment and it’s normal to feel upset. Avoid dismissing their feelings (“It’s just a game”)—instead, acknowledge them and invite conversation.

Letting Go of the “Good Sport” Script

It’s tempting to expect children to be “graceful losers”—to shake hands, say “good game,” and move on. These social norms are important, but they can feel overwhelming for a child who sees their loss as a personal blow. Instead of focusing on sportsmanship at all costs, focus first on self-regulation and understanding what triggered the emotional outburst.

For example, if your child crumples in frustration during a family game night, take a deep breath yourself. Then model emotional awareness: “It looks like that was really disappointing for you. Want to take a break together?”

Once the moment passes, you can follow up by helping them reflect on what happened. Try framing the experience in a positive light, much like the approach in this guide on turning defeat into a growth story.

Games as Tools for Emotional Growth

Believe it or not, losing a game is a rich learning opportunity—if handled with care. Through games, children can explore concepts like patience, flexibility, and humility. But in order for these lessons to stick, there needs to be some emotional scaffolding.

Try introducing cooperative games (where everyone works toward a shared goal) to take the focus off of winning vs. losing. Over time, reintroduce competitive play but frame the goal differently: “Let’s pay attention to how we feel during the game today,” or “Let’s see how well we can work through frustration if things don’t go our way.”

Also valuable is helping your child notice what they gain from playing beyond just winning: laughs, time with family, learning something new, or showing someone kindness. This mindset takes time to grow, but repetition and modeling matter.

And if you're looking for meaningful screen-free ways to help children immerse themselves in stories with emotional depth, consider the iOS or Android app LISN Kids. With rich, original audiobooks and series designed for ages 3–12, it creates restorative moments away from competition and taps into imagination and empathy.

When Is It More Than a Game?

If your child reacts with intense distress to even small losses, melts down regularly, or avoids games altogether, they might need deeper support. These reactions might stem from anxiety, perfectionism, or even challenges in emotional regulation. In that case, gently observing patterns and seeking guidance from your pediatrician or school counselor can help.

You can also explore resources like this article on understanding extreme reactions in kids who struggle with losing, which helps outline how to respond with empathy rather than correction alone.

Every child’s emotional world is unique, and their difficulty with losing is rarely just about the game. It’s often a window into how they understand effort, identity, and self-worth. No one gets it right every time, but your support—even when imperfect—matters more than you think.

Creating an Environment Where Losing Doesn’t Feel Like Failing

What your child most needs isn’t a perfectly crafted strategy—it’s your presence, your patience, and your belief that their value doesn’t hinge on performance. Through games, they can learn to take risks, bounce back from disappointment, and try again—not because they’re being “taught a lesson,” but because they’ve discovered, over time, that it’s safe to fall short and still be loved.

To support this journey further, explore how to understand why some kids take defeat harder than others and how you can help them reframe the experience as part of their growth—not a reflection of who they are.