10 Encouraging Things to Say to Your Child Instead of Scolding
Why Encouragement Works Better Than Scolding
If you’ve ended another long day with your child crumpling into tears over homework—or worse, shutting down completely—you’re not alone. Between school pressures, attention struggles, and social anxiety, many kids between ages 6 and 12 are navigating complex emotions they don't yet know how to name. And as parents, it’s easy to feel like your only tools are warnings, time-outs, or rushed lectures at the dinner table.
But what if we could shift our everyday interactions into something more constructive, starting with the words we choose? Encouraging phrases—genuine, simple acknowledgements—can do more than protect your child’s confidence. They help build trust, motivation, and resilience in moments that feel like setbacks.
Let’s explore ten go-to phrases that not only support learning but strengthen connection. These aren’t magic words—but in the right tone, they can offer your child the space to grow, learn, and feel safe making mistakes.
1. "I see you’re really trying—thank you for not giving up."
Children can’t always label their frustration, but they often show it through whining, shutting down, or acting out. Instead of focusing on the procrastination or incomplete task, point out the effort—even if small. This deepens their intrinsic motivation over time.
2. "It’s okay to find this hard. Let’s figure it out together."
This phrase normalizes struggle without making a child feel like they’ve failed. When you say this with patience, you’re validating their emotions and offering partnership, not pressure. It's especially helpful when your child is facing learning difficulties or stress about performance.
3. "Mistakes are part of learning—we can fix this."
A child who’s terrified of failure will try less. A child who sees mistakes as part of the process will keep going. This phrase signals that imperfection is welcome—and that home is a safe base for problem-solving. Want help fostering resilience? See our guide on building your child’s confidence with positive tools.
4. "I’m proud of you for being honest."
When a child admits they cheated, forgot, or avoided hard work, that’s a powerful opening for growth. Praise the honesty first—even before addressing the behavior. This builds a foundation of trust where your child sees you as a safe adult to turn to.
5. "What do you think you need right now?"
Instead of leaping into solutions or commands, try this reflective question. Kids don’t always know the answer, but asking encourages self-awareness—and gives them practice making choices. It’s particularly useful when emotions are running high, and you want to de-escalate.
6. "You've done hard things before—I believe in you."
Recalling a past success (even if minor) helps anchor your child in their capabilities. Remind them of when they learned something tricky or solved a conflict, to show that they are capable even when now feels impossible.
7. "Would you like help or some space?"
This phrase communicates respect: you’re present, but not intrusive. It’s especially helpful for older children seeking autonomy. For more ways to practice conscious parenting, read this article on gentle fixes to common parenting mistakes.
8. "Let’s take a break—then we’ll come back with fresh eyes."
When tensions rise, stepping away helps regulate everyone’s emotions. This phrase also models healthy coping strategies for your child: rest, reset, return. Over time, they’ll learn to pause themselves before frustration boils over.
9. "I’m listening. Can you help me understand what’s going on?"
Sometimes kids act out because they haven’t yet been heard. This invitation to talk shows you’re invested in their inner world, and not just the behavior in front of you. It cultivates empathy, a topic we explore more fully in our piece on nurturing empathy through stories.
10. "This doesn’t change how much I love you."
No matter how upset, disappointed, or frazzled you feel, these words are an anchor. Children internalize messages quickly—especially under stress. Make sure one of those messages is this: our relationship is unconditional, even when things aren’t going well.
Using Encouraging Language Takes Practice
If these phrases feel unnatural at first, that’s okay. Many of us grew up with scolding, silence, or shame around mistakes. But replacing reactions with intentional language takes time—and you're already doing the work by reflecting, learning, and showing up. For those parenting more than one child, check out our article on how to create fairness without losing yourself.
Supportive Tools for Gentle Parenting
Sometimes, a little external help goes a long way. If you’re seeking ways to reinforce these encouraging themes through quiet time or bedtime routines, the LISN Kids App—available on iOS and Android—offers beautifully narrated original audiobooks and series that highlight problem-solving, empathy, and emotional growth in a kid-accessible format. Perfect for ages 3 through 12, the stories complement your parenting values with simple, engaging storytelling.
Leading with Empathy, One Phrase at a Time
There’s no such thing as the perfect thing to say. But there is power in choosing words that inspire instead of injure, that guide instead of punish. When we speak from a place of compassion—even after the roughest days—we raise kids who learn from challenges instead of feel defined by them.
After all, what each child needs most—beyond spelling tests and multiplication drills—is the voice that tells them: "Yes, this is hard. And yes, I believe in you."